It's the Little Things in Life...

that can make your day go one way or the other. When I woke up, I wasn't sure which way it was going to go, and that alone can be dangerous. We should all KNOW how our day is going to be the minute our feet hit the floor. When it comes down to it, we have a choice in the matter. That is one lesson I'm trying my best to focus on right now.

I knew it was going to be a beautiful day, 73 and sunny...the perfect day to grab lunch outdoors with a girlfriend! I invited all 3 of my close friends (I know, HUGE friends list right) haha! One by one, they all declined; One was home sick with a kid, one got sick from her kid with work to make up, and the other was busy with errands, most likely kid related. I'm sure most parents would disagree, but I want those problems! I'd love to be home making it all better with chicken soup! And of course, I do understand. People have lives, even if I don't feel I do sometimes.

Then I got to my volunteer shift and one of the women I work with was back from maternity leave. Oh lordy, hopefully this won't be 3 hours hearing about how awesome her new baby is. This woman knows very well of many things we've been through, but always seems to say the worst thing possible. Like after my first loss when I was struggling to conceive again (which she knew about), she announces her pregnancy and tells me, "Yeah, I just took my IUD out last month, plugged in the date of my period into an online calculator, and we had sex for the 5 days it told me too and Wallah!" Well that's fantastic. I wonder if there's an online calculator for how long your recovery time will be once I punch you in the face?

Fast forward to today...After hugging me and asking me how I've been since the ectopic, she gives me a look of pity and segways immediately into, "Ok, well I've got to go to the mommy's room now!" I ignore the comment completely. She continues on anyway, "Get it, the mommy's room, because I have to go pump." I still say nothing. She then puts her hand on my shoulder, kocks her head to the side literally looking down at me in a fake sympathy kind of way says, "Seeee the things you don't have to worry about?" I look at her like she seriously better get out of my way FAST and go right back to my emails. She notices how unresponsive I am and corrects herself with, "Well, I hope you'll get to do that someday."

Seriously?! What the fuck? From now on, I do not want to talk to this person about ANYTHING other than cancer. I am here to support people affected by cancer, and not to listen to insensitive remarks. I take a deep breath and continue on with answering my emails. Some days my volunteer work entails answering emails from people who need help with a cancer diagnosis for themselves or for someone else. Do that once a week, and it WILL give you a reality check like no other let me tell you. I just happened to receive an email from a woman, age 32 diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 10!!! I didn't know that could even happen, but apparently it can. She had a complete hysterectomy later on in life, but can never have children and is just hoping to stay in remission and just stay alive for God's sakes. I was able to offer her some great resources for support, and that was all I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself....yet again. It was only 10 AM at this point. I decided I would not let anything else bother me today, and I resolved to make my day what I wanted it to be. No more silly things bothering me!

After my volunteer shift, I pulled out of the parking lot not even knowing which direction to turn. Hubby is in London on a biz trip, and I didn't feel like going home. I decided if no one else could do lunch outdoors with me, then I'd just do it by myself. So there! Off I went to Whole Foods to build one of my famous $15 salads from their salad bar. I throw a little of everything in there, and the weigh in at the cash register is always a little embarrassing I must say.  I would post a pic of my salad awesomeness, but the pic really wouldn't come close to doing the taste justice. Instead, I will show you the other impulse buy I made on the way to the cash register. WARNING: FOOD PORN AHEAD!

Just FYI, Whole Foods Sticky Bun heated in micro for 30 seconds doesn't suck!

I was not intending to purchase this gem, but just try to tell me if YOU saw this creation in the tiny little self serve bakery window you would not grab one! They deliberately put that bakery section right next to the salad bar for a reason. You don't even have to ask for a pastry either. You just grab it yourself....It's complete sabotage! There is even a self use microwave near the forks and napkins so you can heat it up before devouring it. Are you kidding me? I took my well-balanced meal to a picnic table outdside and basked in the beautiful day, floating on an imaginary cloud straight to food heaven. Hey, I was good all week. Throw me a bone...actually make that a sticky bun.

This is probably dorky, but the other thing that makes me really happy is to have a refrigerator full of colorful healthy foods, and if they are organic that is a double bonus. My food obsession combined with my Type A behavior means I need an organized fridge, with fruits and veggies ready to go at a moment's notice, or I can't function properly.  I am totally Costco obsessed and make the drive completely out of my way to shop there time and again. I won't bore you with a pic of the inside of my fridge, but it's looking pretty amazing right now!

I also got home and received an unexpected invite for an evening run from a neighbor friend, which was nice, but I had to  reply "Thank you for the invite, but I am still taking it easy from running, especially as we prepare to do IVF soon. I would love to go on a walk sometime!" One day I will be able to work out again like I used to. Again, I'm not going to feel sorry for myself! I do admit however, that I probably work the hardest at not letting the exercise sacrifice get me down.

Instead, I had an hour long talk on the phone with my sister and then took a nice looooong bubble bath with a cup of tea, candles, and some smooth jazz.

Ahhh, yes.  It doesn't get much better than this...

No, every day isn't going to be PERFECT, but I'm working on catching myself before I fall into a mood and making conscious decisions to turn it around. I'm resolved to stop sweating the small stuff. It's all about making it a habit, and it's something I'll continue to work on. It's a quiet evening solo at home, all snug in my bed, counting down the minutes until my one and only arrives back home tomorrow night, and I'm ok with that.  :)