Here Goes Nothing... Correction: EVERYTHING!

Time to pull out the big guns, the whole kit and caboodle, the kitchen sink...or in other words IVF. Last week we found out our last attempt at becoming pregnant (pre-IVF) was not successful. I wasn't shocked. I mean, we've been given a 1-2% chance of conceiving on our own naturally each cycle, and that is a statistic we've known for quite some time now.

Even though I wasn't shocked by the negative pregnancy result, the let down was really hard emotionally for me this time around. Hubby got back from his biz travel that same day and showed up with these beautiful flowers and my drink of choice...

Moet + Flowers = Semi-Sane Infertile Wife

What can I say? My man is amazing! 3 days of non-stop work, a day full of airports, and he still makes time to stop and do something nice for me. In true Matt fashion, he pointed out that we shouldn't be mourning the failure of this last cycle, but should instead celebrate the fact that we're moving on to having the best chances we've ever had to take home a healthy happy baby! He always has a way of helping me see the glass half full, and I felt sooo much better having him home, with roses in my kitchen, and Moet in my hand.

Then, I woke up back on the wrong side of the bed the very next morning, feeling sad and broken down. So pitiful! I broke down crying on my acupuncturist Friday, something that wasn't part of my plan for the day. I walked in fine, but started fighting tears the minute my mouth opened. I think it's because I know my acu just gets it. No one in real life truly understands what I'm going through, but Melissa deals with infertile women all day long. Since I wasn't really anywhere too specific in my cycle except waiting for AF to arrive, we worked on getting things moving for a new cycle to begin and a general de-stressing all around. I felt much better after my session as usual, but still in a funk feeling sorry for myself.

For the rest of the weekend, I really just needed to get out and have a release. I spend so many damn hours, days, months doing ALL of the right things and sacrificing things in order to stay healthy, all in hopes it will help my chances at pregnancy. Sometimes, I feel like I'll just explode if I don't have a mini-rockstar release of some sort. Needless to say we went out both Friday and Saturday nights. Friday night we went to a sports bar and played video games until we closed the place down. Saturday we went bowling with one of our favorite couples and had a super nice dinner. I had one (or ten) too many cocktails, stayed up way past our normal 9 pm bedtime, and just spent some much needed time not giving a F#%K. Sure, it ended up being a reminder that I am no longer in my 20's, but I needed it just the same. My angel halo is bobbypinned squarely back on my head today of course.

A new cycle has begun. It is CD3, and we had our IVF consult with Dr. Vaughn this afternoon. Matt is quite the joker. He snapped this pic as he was laughing about how fat my medical file is. Considering this file is for 21 months worth of data, I don't think it's that bad!

Dr. Vaughn with my ginormous file

After the consult, hubby took great pleasure in zooming in on the file pic on his phone and saying, "My gosh, look how BIG it is when you zoom in on it too!" Way to make me feel like a freak of nature! He seriously cracks me up.

So, this is really it! We are taking the IVF plunge! It looks like we'll be doing the "Lupron long" protocol. We'll be starting the suppression phase tonight, where I'll take BCP's (birth control pills) for a few weeks in order to suppress the ovaries. They do this in order to basically take over my normal ovarian function with synthetic hormones. They'll then incorporate a drug called Lupron. Once the ovaries are fully suppressed and under their control, they will then turn right back around and stimulate the ovaries with FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) drugs intended to produce many more follicles (eggs) than would be produced normally. When all of the follicles are mature, they'll retrieve them via a surgical procedure, fertilize them in a lab with hubby's super swimmers, and 3-5 days later one or two embryos will be placed back inside my body to hopefully settle in for a warm and cushy 9 months. 

That is the IVF process in short. The whole process from beginning to end will take roughly 7-8 weeks. I should be receiving an IVF calendar from my nurse, Jamie, soon. It will outline the meds and anticipated dosages I'll need to take each day (dosages will most likely change along the way as I'm monitored for progress via many ultrasounds and blood tests).

I am scared, excited, and extremely nervous to the point of nausea. This is our last option, so it MUST WORK! More than anything though, I'm just grateful for the opportunity to have another option to try with greater chances of success. IVF hasn't always been available. I have to remind myself that to even have the technology as an option is a blessing in and of itself, even if it's not a walk in the park. So here goes nothing....or should I say EVERYTHING!? That's all I have for now, but I'll share more as it becomes available of course!