Friday, January 11, 2013

It's the Little Things in Life...

that can make your day go one way or the other. When I woke up, I wasn't sure which way it was going to go, and that alone can be dangerous. We should all KNOW how our day is going to be the minute our feet hit the floor. When it comes down to it, we have a choice in the matter. That is one lesson I'm trying my best to focus on right now.

I knew it was going to be a beautiful day, 73 and sunny...the perfect day to grab lunch outdoors with a girlfriend! I invited all 3 of my close friends (I know, HUGE friends list right) haha! One by one, they all declined; One was home sick with a kid, one got sick from her kid with work to make up, and the other was busy with errands, most likely kid related. I'm sure most parents would disagree, but I want those problems! I'd love to be home making it all better with chicken soup! And of course, I do understand. People have lives, even if I don't feel I do sometimes.

Then I got to my volunteer shift and one of the women I work with was back from maternity leave. Oh lordy, hopefully this won't be 3 hours hearing about how awesome her new baby is. This woman knows very well of many things we've been through, but always seems to say the worst thing possible. Like after my first loss when I was struggling to conceive again (which she knew about), she announces her pregnancy and tells me, "Yeah, I just took my IUD out last month, plugged in the date of my period into an online calculator, and we had sex for the 5 days it told me too and Wallah!" Well that's fantastic. I wonder if there's an online calculator for how long your recovery time will be once I punch you in the face?

Fast forward to today...After hugging me and asking me how I've been since the ectopic, she gives me a look of pity and segways immediately into, "Ok, well I've got to go to the mommy's room now!" I ignore the comment completely. She continues on anyway, "Get it, the mommy's room, because I have to go pump." I still say nothing. She then puts her hand on my shoulder, kocks her head to the side literally looking down at me in a fake sympathy kind of way says, "Seeee the things you don't have to worry about?" I look at her like she seriously better get out of my way FAST and go right back to my emails. She notices how unresponsive I am and corrects herself with, "Well, I hope you'll get to do that someday."

Seriously?! What the fuck? From now on, I do not want to talk to this person about ANYTHING other than cancer. I am here to support people affected by cancer, and not to listen to insensitive remarks. I take a deep breath and continue on with answering my emails. Some days my volunteer work entails answering emails from people who need help with a cancer diagnosis for themselves or for someone else. Do that once a week, and it WILL give you a reality check like no other let me tell you. I just happened to receive an email from a woman, age 32 diagnosed with ovarian cancer at age 10!!! I didn't know that could even happen, but apparently it can. She had a complete hysterectomy later on in life, but can never have children and is just hoping to stay in remission and just stay alive for God's sakes. I was able to offer her some great resources for support, and that was all I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself....yet again. It was only 10 AM at this point. I decided I would not let anything else bother me today, and I resolved to make my day what I wanted it to be. No more silly things bothering me!

After my volunteer shift, I pulled out of the parking lot not even knowing which direction to turn. Hubby is in London on a biz trip, and I didn't feel like going home. I decided if no one else could do lunch outdoors with me, then I'd just do it by myself. So there! Off I went to Whole Foods to build one of my famous $15 salads from their salad bar. I throw a little of everything in there, and the weigh in at the cash register is always a little embarrassing I must say.  I would post a pic of my salad awesomeness, but the pic really wouldn't come close to doing the taste justice. Instead, I will show you the other impulse buy I made on the way to the cash register. WARNING: FOOD PORN AHEAD!

Just FYI, Whole Foods Sticky Bun heated in micro for 30 seconds doesn't suck!


I was not intending to purchase this gem, but just try to tell me if YOU saw this creation in the tiny little self serve bakery window you would not grab one! They deliberately put that bakery section right next to the salad bar for a reason. You don't even have to ask for a pastry either. You just grab it yourself....It's complete sabotage! There is even a self use microwave near the forks and napkins so you can heat it up before devouring it. Are you kidding me? I took my well-balanced meal to a picnic table outdside and basked in the beautiful day, floating on an imaginary cloud straight to food heaven. Hey, I was good all week. Throw me a bone...actually make that a sticky bun.

This is probably dorky, but the other thing that makes me really happy is to have a refrigerator full of colorful healthy foods, and if they are organic that is a double bonus. My food obsession combined with my Type A behavior means I need an organized fridge, with fruits and veggies ready to go at a moment's notice, or I can't function properly.  I am totally Costco obsessed and make the drive completely out of my way to shop there time and again. I won't bore you with a pic of the inside of my fridge, but it's looking pretty amazing right now!

I also got home and received an unexpected invite for an evening run from a neighbor friend, which was nice, but I had to  reply "Thank you for the invite, but I am still taking it easy from running, especially as we prepare to do IVF soon. I would love to go on a walk sometime!" One day I will be able to work out again like I used to. Again, I'm not going to feel sorry for myself! I do admit however, that I probably work the hardest at not letting the exercise sacrifice get me down.

Instead, I had an hour long talk on the phone with my sister and then took a nice looooong bubble bath with a cup of tea, candles, and some smooth jazz.

Ahhh, yes.  It doesn't get much better than this...

No, every day isn't going to be PERFECT, but I'm working on catching myself before I fall into a mood and making conscious decisions to turn it around. I'm resolved to stop sweating the small stuff. It's all about making it a habit, and it's something I'll continue to work on. It's a quiet evening solo at home, all snug in my bed, counting down the minutes until my one and only arrives back home tomorrow night, and I'm ok with that.  :)

15 comments:

  1. I am proud of your girl!!! You totally did turn it around and I also relaxed in my bath last night. That sticky bun looks heaven sent for sure! YUM!!

    As for your co-worker, I think I can agree that every IFer wants to give you a metal right now. I mean, really????? Even if you aren't sure what to say, that def isn't it. *hugs*

    Glad hubby comes back today and I hope you have a great weekend!

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    1. Thanks Amber! It's the small victories. Just having a good day is one for me!

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  2. Oh gosh Bump, I would have punched her in the face too. It reminds me of the "fertility friend" vs. "fertility foe" in The Conception Chronicles. Do you remember that part? Fertility foes say degrading things to make you feel worse but of course they pretend to be your friend. Sounds like a lovely day despite that. I know that feeling when friends are all busy with their kids too, blah. We'll be there someday and I can't wait til we are exchanging stories of the trials and tribulations of mommyhood. :)

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    1. Yes! When I read that chapter she definitely came to mind...fertility foe for sure! I honestly feel like her words stem from a slight jealousy towards me.

      Before TTC, when I was doing fitness modeling and sporting a size O, I unfortunately used to get that feeling from a few select women in my life. She was one of them. I feel like this is her "one up on me" or something. I am not one to compete, I have a humble heart, and I am open & vulnerable to everyone I meet, so it's just too bad. She's not afraid to keep throwing it in my face, and it's obvious. I get it! You are mother of the year! Congratulations!

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  3. I really don't like the woman you work with... Really don't. But I like you!!!

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  4. Wow. That woman is an asshat. I am so sorry you had to listen to that garbage. I am really impressed with your ability to turn that day around, though. I am also realllllly jealous of that cinnamon bun. I have a gluten free frozen cinnamon bun that it's making me want to heat up, but I know it wouldn't be as good as that one looks. You also made me want a salad. You are confusing my appetite, but I'm ok with that.

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    1. Asshat indeed. Have both the salad and cinnamon bun. That is how it becomes so well-balanced ;)

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  5. The stupidity in ppl never ceases to amaze me! Is it so hard to stop oneself from saying the dumbest shit?...I would stay just far away from her. On another note your sticky bun looks yummy! and I love your bathtub! I can barely lay out in mine and totally dream of a big beautiful bathtub to lay in one day, lol
    I can't wait to keep reading your journey through IVF and your eventual take home baby :)

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    1. Believe me, I'm trying to avoid her when I have to see her. I just know something stupid always flies out of her month. The sad part is that she's my supervisor, and yet I seem to always be the one acting more professional and sticking to the topic at hand...CANCER. Hello, that is what we're here to talk about thank you very much!

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  6. Wow! I am not surprised that there are totally insensitive people in this world. You definetely deserve an award for not introducing her to your fist.
    The rest of your day sounds relaxing. Made me want to go grab a salad and sit outside enjoying the nice weather before the cold front comes around again.

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    1. I want to do that every day, but we're back to freezing ass cold weather today so it's a no go unfortunately. I do need to get outside like that more and soak in the sun and Vit D!

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  7. Omg your tub looks amazing and huge! We have the tiniest bathtub and I'm almost 6 feet tall, I'm just dying to invest in a new one... it's these little things, like hot bubble baths and pecan buns and sunlight in January that make the horribleness of fertility treatments so much more bearable. Gawd, that mom-obsessed-with-being-a-mom friend of yours sounds pretty irritating, though!

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    1. Ok, now I am becoming especially grateful for this bathtub. I had only used it about 5 times in 4 years of living here, but I might have to make this a new ritual for real! I do love my tub and am so grateful for a beautiful safe home in a wonderful neighborhood. Just gotta fill the bedrooms is all. ;)

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  8. Ahhhh, that last picture is a beauty. I'm a bath girl - nothing like it at the end of a hard day.

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