Monday, February 25, 2013

Here Goes Nothing... Correction: EVERYTHING!

Time to pull out the big guns, the whole kit and caboodle, the kitchen sink...or in other words IVF. Last week we found out our last attempt at becoming pregnant (pre-IVF) was not successful. I wasn't shocked. I mean, we've been given a 1-2% chance of conceiving on our own naturally each cycle, and that is a statistic we've known for quite some time now.

Even though I wasn't shocked by the negative pregnancy result, the let down was really hard emotionally for me this time around. Hubby got back from his biz travel that same day and showed up with these beautiful flowers and my drink of choice...

Moet + Flowers = Semi-Sane Infertile Wife

What can I say? My man is amazing! 3 days of non-stop work, a day full of airports, and he still makes time to stop and do something nice for me. In true Matt fashion, he pointed out that we shouldn't be mourning the failure of this last cycle, but should instead celebrate the fact that we're moving on to having the best chances we've ever had to take home a healthy happy baby! He always has a way of helping me see the glass half full, and I felt sooo much better having him home, with roses in my kitchen, and Moet in my hand.

Then, I woke up back on the wrong side of the bed the very next morning, feeling sad and broken down. So pitiful! I broke down crying on my acupuncturist Friday, something that wasn't part of my plan for the day. I walked in fine, but started fighting tears the minute my mouth opened. I think it's because I know my acu just gets it. No one in real life truly understands what I'm going through, but Melissa deals with infertile women all day long. Since I wasn't really anywhere too specific in my cycle except waiting for AF to arrive, we worked on getting things moving for a new cycle to begin and a general de-stressing all around. I felt much better after my session as usual, but still in a funk feeling sorry for myself.

For the rest of the weekend, I really just needed to get out and have a release. I spend so many damn hours, days, months doing ALL of the right things and sacrificing things in order to stay healthy, all in hopes it will help my chances at pregnancy. Sometimes, I feel like I'll just explode if I don't have a mini-rockstar release of some sort. Needless to say we went out both Friday and Saturday nights. Friday night we went to a sports bar and played video games until we closed the place down. Saturday we went bowling with one of our favorite couples and had a super nice dinner. I had one (or ten) too many cocktails, stayed up way past our normal 9 pm bedtime, and just spent some much needed time not giving a F#%K. Sure, it ended up being a reminder that I am no longer in my 20's, but I needed it just the same. My angel halo is bobbypinned squarely back on my head today of course.

A new cycle has begun. It is CD3, and we had our IVF consult with Dr. Vaughn this afternoon. Matt is quite the joker. He snapped this pic as he was laughing about how fat my medical file is. Considering this file is for 21 months worth of data, I don't think it's that bad!

Dr. Vaughn with my ginormous file

After the consult, hubby took great pleasure in zooming in on the file pic on his phone and saying, "My gosh, look how BIG it is when you zoom in on it too!" Way to make me feel like a freak of nature! He seriously cracks me up.

So, this is really it! We are taking the IVF plunge! It looks like we'll be doing the "Lupron long" protocol. We'll be starting the suppression phase tonight, where I'll take BCP's (birth control pills) for a few weeks in order to suppress the ovaries. They do this in order to basically take over my normal ovarian function with synthetic hormones. They'll then incorporate a drug called Lupron. Once the ovaries are fully suppressed and under their control, they will then turn right back around and stimulate the ovaries with FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) drugs intended to produce many more follicles (eggs) than would be produced normally. When all of the follicles are mature, they'll retrieve them via a surgical procedure, fertilize them in a lab with hubby's super swimmers, and 3-5 days later one or two embryos will be placed back inside my body to hopefully settle in for a warm and cushy 9 months. 

That is the IVF process in short. The whole process from beginning to end will take roughly 7-8 weeks. I should be receiving an IVF calendar from my nurse, Jamie, soon. It will outline the meds and anticipated dosages I'll need to take each day (dosages will most likely change along the way as I'm monitored for progress via many ultrasounds and blood tests).

I am scared, excited, and extremely nervous to the point of nausea. This is our last option, so it MUST WORK! More than anything though, I'm just grateful for the opportunity to have another option to try with greater chances of success. IVF hasn't always been available. I have to remind myself that to even have the technology as an option is a blessing in and of itself, even if it's not a walk in the park. So here goes nothing....or should I say EVERYTHING!? That's all I have for now, but I'll share more as it becomes available of course!

Monday, February 18, 2013

Onion volcanoes, photo shoots & shopping...Distractions from the 2WW

Busy bee-ing it up as much as possible lately. I need to take my mind off the fact that there are only a few days left until I test. So far, no symptoms that make me "feel pregnant" in the least, and I had cravings for sweets last night, which is never a good sign a few days before AF is supposed to show. I am chalking it up to the fact that I haven't eaten any sugar in almost a month and trying not to read into pre-AF symptoms.

The second week of waiting is always the time when I start to get impatient and kind of moody/depressed. The fear of things not working becomes more real with each day that passes, and there is a small black cloud of fear that follows me around like a pesky gnat. This period of waiting just blows!

Trying to focus on all the fun things happening instead though. Hubby returned from San Fran at 1:00 AM on Valentine's Day. I was so happy to have him home, that I actually managed to wait up for him. Later in the day, he surprised me with floor seats to Alicia Keys in March! We took advantage of the newly opened Shogun Japanese Steakhouse down the street for dinner. We have become quite addicted already. I just looooove when they throw that huge pile of fresh veggies on the hibachi.

Who doesn't love a good onion volcano for entertainment? However, I could feel myself slipping into the "poor me" mentality as we were seated right next to a family with two kids and across from another family. This place is crawling with families. I always feel like we are the ONLY people in the world without kids when we go there, but the food is so damn good it's hard to stay away. I really hate that I let stuff like this get me down, and I fight those feelings with all of my might, but sometimes it is just HARD when you look around and you are literally the only party of two. Again, I try to tell myself that we live in a small town in Texas. What do I expect when going out? I stuffed my feelings down as best I could and put on a happy face for the sake of the evening. In the end, it ended up being a great dinner, because I had my adorable husband next to me.

Saturday I was part of a photoshoot for the Nike LIVESTRONG 2013 Fall Campaign, which was fun. It was shot outdoors on a perfectly sunny and 75 degree day. They gave away the wardrobe at the end of the shoot (which never happens), and I scored some nice stuff. I didn't realize until I got home that everything I chose was black. Oops! I won't bore you with a pic of a pile of black clothes on my bed. At least black doesn't go out of style, which is good since Nike stuff lasts me years! I will share a pic once the campaign is published online.

Speaking of style, we went toodling around town yesterday. We hit Nordstrom Rack, DSW, and Marhsall's. It is already getting to be bathing suit weather here in Austin, and I was dreading searching for a bathing suit. I used to have a tiny little size 0/2 body where I could just order an XS from Victoria's Secret's online catalog of suits and it would be guaranteed to fit. Well, unfortunately those days are long gone (at least while we TTC).

Along with 15-20 pounds of fertility friendly fat comes a much more challenging shopping experience. I still work very hard at embracing a softer appearance, and I've got to tell you that some days it's harder than others. Bathing suit shopping during the 2WW was probably not the smartest endeavor for my mental sanity, but I got super lucky and found one at Marshall's for only $30 that actually worked! This is the first strapless bathing suit I have ever owned in my life, and it actually stays up! I guess there is one good thing about gaining a few lbs. and I'll take what I can get!

Now, I just need to get some color on these pork chops of mine before I step out into public in this number. I also need to find a good sunless tanning cream that doesn't contain phthlates, parabens, or any other bad stuff. If anyone knows of one, please feel free to share!  I am so ready for 100 degree heat and sunshine. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. I love the Texas heat, and I am ready for spring! Bring it!!

I am also in love with all the cute little sleep sets and babydolls that Betsey Johnson is making these days. The cotton she uses is the extra soft jersey variety. I will be honest....I am not a big fan of much lingerie. I do make an attempt on occasion, but I feel like it's such a waste of money! My husband just rips it off in like two seconds anyways (which he's pointed out to me himself when I've brought up the topic of lingerie). I mean, he doesn't stop to say "Turn around so I can see that tiny 1 inch bow detail on the back of your panties, which is what you just paid all the extra $$ for."

Lingerie is one of those things you can wear once or twice and it's served it's purpose. You may as well have wiped your ass with the money you spent on it, because it's not like it's comfortable and it's just getting shoved to the back of the closet after a couple times of wearing.  Also, am I the only one who feels like a total cheeseball wearing lingerie specifically around ovulation time? I get making an effort for the sake of keeping things exciting, but I seriously want to roll my eyes at myself sometimes. It just feels so rehearsed. Personally, I'd rather wear something to bed I'm actually comfortable in and that won't give me a rash from all the synthetic fibers. This is much more my style of sleepwear...

I had just seen the exact same sleepset at Nordstrom for $50, yet I found it at Marshall's on the clearance rack for $12.99. Needless to say Betsey came home with me!

And because every woman just needs a great new pair of jeans to feel good every once in a while, I couldn't pass up this pair from Michael Kors that hopped into my cart. They were the only ones in the store, they happened to be my size and didn't require any hemming for my shorty 5'3" frame. Fate? Where else can you find Michael Kors jeans for $40? These were just too good to pass up...

I modeled them all for hubby and Triscuit when we got home, but I don't think Triscuit was impressed...

He looked so content that we joined him, and the four of us (two humans + two fur people) rounded out the evening on the couch. Hubby is back out the door traveling to San Diego for 3 days this week. As much as he travels, we both feel really lucky it just worked out he was home for the most important days of this cycle. I am continuing to focus on that, along with all the other positive things we have in our lives. We have an amazing marriage, a beautiful home, the ability to do nice things for ourselves, we enjoy life together, and we know we will be amazing parents someday. If only we are fortunate enough to be blessed with the opportunity to do so.

Pregnancy blood test is scheduled for Thursday. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we learn the outcome. Thank you ALL for your support. It's such a help to know positive vibes are being sent our way!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dear God, I've Sacrificed Facebook for Lent! Can You Hear Me Now?

Is it bad that I didn't even know it was Ash Wednesday until I logged onto facebook this morning? There was a funny picture posted outside a church that read, "Get your ash into church." Haha! Maybe I didn't know because I can count the number of times I've been to church on one hand in the past couple of years, and three of those times were funerals. Oh well. You don't have to attend church to have a personal and spiritual relationship with God. The other two times I attended Lakewood Church in Houston, TX to see Joel Osteen preach. Love me some Joel!

I really wanted to give up something for Lent this year, if for nothing else, to show God how grateful I am for Jesus dying on the cross, for the things I have in my life, and to show sacrifice and spiritual discipline as my own offering. The only problem was I couldn't think of anything to give up that I already haven't given up as part of "Project Reproduction." Wine? Well, I don't drink after ovulation, and don't do it much before either, so that's not much of a sacrifice anymore. Besides, I will definitely need at least A GLASS to stay sane if this cycle doesn't work out. The same thought process holds true for so many other things too, like ice cream, sugar, unhealthy foods, staying up late, going to Vegas (We just opted out of a trip there last weekend in order to stay all perfectly balanced with mind, body and what not). Sooooo, what is left?

I was literally about to post something on facebook to the effect of "What should I give up for lent this year? Any ideas?" when someone posted something really annoying and pregnancy related moments later. All of a sudden it clicked. I should just give up facebook! A few other women in my online support community for infertility have been talking about giving up facebook as well, and it got me even more excited about the idea!  So, I made my final post and said sayonara for the next 6 weeks.

It feels kind of freeing already to take a break from social media. I gave up twitter a long time ago and don't miss it one bit. Besides, all of my true friends have my phone number and email address. If they want Emily time, all they need to do is pick up the phone or shoot me an email! Speaking of real friends, I had an beautiful outdoor lunch with one of my favorite girls following acu today. Tammy is truly one of a kind, at the level of a sister really, and she is always toting crafty and yummy homemade gifts. She makes these chocolate covered long stem roses (which are actually strawberries) for Valentine's Day, and I just love that she is always doing nice things for other people. How crafty is she?!?!

I may not have a bazillion friends, but I have always been more of a quality over quantity girl. It's people like her that I'm truly grateful for. The heart shaped personalized valentine made me tear up too. Sooo sweet!

Full disclosure here: I've had a LOT of anxiety the past few days. I will just say this...DO NOT EVER send your huge 50 page stack of tax info. including all tax forms, your bank account/routing info., ss#s, and more than enough info for someone to steal your entire identity through USPS. I learned that the hard way! After 3 days of teamwork hounding USPS by myself and my accountant who lives in FL, the package was eventually recovered from the WRONG RECIPIENT and it is now in safe hands. However, I think I aged about 5 years this past weekend. I couldn't sleep, and I was in extreme panic mode...not quite the zen aura I'm trying to maintain over here! Even after the incident was over, it's like I JUST. COULDN'T. RELAX. Ugh! Sometimes I get caught in a weird anxiety mode and can't snap out of it! I know that probably sounds crazy if you don't have or understand anxiety, but it's a horrible feeling to have when you are just kind of stuck being anxious with no relief.

I've been doing two Circle + Bloom sessions daily, doing yoga, daily breathing, and listening to soft music, but nothing was helping me let go of the icky anxiety feeling. Yesterday, I finally ended up taking a xanax, which I rarely ever do unless it's dire straights, and I scheduled an extra acu session for today. Even though my RE says it's fine to take xanax, especially if it helps calm me, I just don't like putting things in my body unless it's absolutely necessary. In this case it was.

I am feeling MUCH better now. It's like night and day to how I felt yesterday! Acupuncture today worked out perfectly, because I'm 6 or 7 days past ovulation. Implantation will be occurring any day now if there is a fertilized embryo in there looking for somewhere to stake it's claim. I decided to keep my Friday acu appointment as well, which will be at 8 or 9 days past ovulation...still within the implantation window. I don't usually go twice a week, but since this is possibly our last cycle before moving onto IVF, I need all my energy flowing to the right places and the extra acu definitely can't hurt anything. All my chips are in!

In about a week's time we'll know if this cycle worked. Who knows, maybe I hadn't sacrificed enough yet and God was just waiting for me to give up facebook to show him how much I am willing to do for a baby. LOL  I'm half joking. At this point, I'm looking for any way possible to make my case to God. I would honestly do ANYTHING to become a mother at this point. If this picture perfect cycle full of crunchiness, self care, perfectly timed babydancing, and sacrificial facebook offerings doesn't work, we certainly know we've done all we can and that's all we can do!

Friday, February 8, 2013

Our Work Here is Done... Dear God, We Need a Miracle!

The wait is on...the two week wait that is. As you all know, I was a little nervous earlier this week when I had a feeling ovulation was approaching and hubby was still out of the country. Want to hear something really crazy? Tuesday evening (CD17) I decided to do an extra test with OPK's in the evening. Low and behold this little guy showed his face at 6:43 pm....

Hot diggity dog! Perfect timing!

Even after all these months, the novelty of that damn happy face never wears off. It's like holding your mouth open while putting on mascara; It's an automatic physical response! You can't see that happy face and not smile yourself. 

I immediately ran to our shared online calendar to check what time hubby's plane landed that evening, and to my surprise it was the EXACT. SAME. TIME....6:43 pm. Not even kidding! That was just too ironic and little freaky actually. Meant to be? I'd sure like to think so!

Needless to say,  I was granted both of my wishes: We baby danced two of the most important days of the cycle AND I ovulated before CD20 on a natural cycle. Can I get a whoop whoop?  So I guess you can say "Our work here is done."  I'm opting to supplement during my luteal phase with 200mg Prometrium (progesterone) beginning at 3 days past ovulation. This will give me an extra boost of progesterone support for my endometrial lining, which can never hurt. It does mean however, that a period will not come on it's own as long as I'm taking it. I'll need to take a pregnancy blood test in 2 weeks to see if I become pregnant. If I'm pregnant, I just continue taking the Prometrium. If I'm not, then I discontinue it and a new cycle will start. 

Dr. Vaughn's IVF nurse called today to let me know he was going out of town in early March. Nurse Jamie said that he wanted to meet with us for a consult to discuss a plan going forward before he left. I felt my heart sink for a second thinking, "Wait a minute. Don't jump the gun! We may get pregnant this cycle!" Even though we know IVF is coming if this cycle doesn't work, and we've obviously already done buttloads of testing to make proper decisions surrounding IVF, it still took me by surprise to get that call and know WE MAY ACTUALLY BE DOING IVF IF THIS CYCLE DOESN'T WORK. Gasp!

The prospect became even more real in an instant, and I got a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't know why it still feels so shocking to be facing that reality, but it kinda does. The nurse went ahead and scheduled an IVF consult for 2/25; AFTER we find out if this cycle worked or not and a few days before Dr. Vaughn's scheduled absence. We can of course cancel the apt. if needed. In the meantime, it's just a waiting game...plenty of meditation, yoga, visualization, and prayer happening over here.

Luckily I've been getting a few commercial auditions lately to keep me busy. Yesterday I had two. One was for a cheesy health college commercial. I get called in for these medical types of commercials occasionally, so I finally broke down and bought a set of scrubs to wear. Casting directors love it when you put some effort into an audition.  I know for a fact I've been beaten out by fellow actors showing up in full character, so I figured I'd go all out and try to land this one. Look how authentic I look! Can't you just see me in one of those cheesy ads at 2 AM?

If they don't book me, they are crazy right??

"You too can have a health career!" lol  My other audition was scheduled only 30 minutes later clear on the other side of downtown Austin by my scatterbrained....I mean GENIUS agent. I had to change outfits in my car to look like I was a gardening mom, tweak my make-up and hair to try to look ten years older, and haul ass to get to the hardware store audition.  I feel like I nailed both auditions, but you just never know what casting directors want. If you have a hair out of place, smile too much, smile too little, or say a certain word a certain way they don't like, you won't book the job. If I book, great! If not, at least hubby and I got a few good laughs at my scrubs get up. hehe

Volunteering and acupuncture today....both fabulous as always! It sure doesn't hurt that it's 80 degrees and sunny in Austin either. Makes for an awesome start to the weekend! No big plans really, except to go see the movie "Identity Thief" and spend time with my amazing hubby who leaves for business travel to San Fran again later this week.  I am dying to see this movie! Also hoping for some Sunday golf watching snuggle time.

Everything this cycle has been picture perfect in every aspect. I really could not have asked for a better cycle, especially following the wackiness that comes many times following an ectopic pregnancy and also the complications some other women have when doing an HSG. Indeed, my body has treated me well the past few weeks. The only thing left to do is stay positive and wait for (hopefully) good news in a couple weeks time. I'm sure I'll be a crazy impatient mess in about a week, but for now I'm enjoying this feeling of contentment, and I do BELIEVE with every fiber of my being this could be our cycle!

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Operation Win A Baby...As Told by My Sister

You know you have been trying to conceive too long when even your family members begin developing hair-brained schemes to win you a baby. Ok, maybe hair-brained is a little extreme. Let me re-phrase...Creative!

When my older sister first approached me about trying to win me a baby via a FREE cycle of IVF from one of our nation's well respected reproductive endocrinologists, it showed me a couple things...

1) That baby craziness must be so contagious that other people's clocks start ticking on your behalf when it doesn't happen fast enough.

2) That only a sister can love you enough to pull a straight up 007 mission to impersonate you in hopes of winning you IVF. 

If you think this sounds a little cray cray, well welcome to my family and welcome to my life!  Hey, at least we aren't boring. I always said no matter what happens, I just don't want to be boring. After hearing my sister's re-cap of her attempt to help us via "Operation Win A Baby" I think she has also earned the rights to never being called boring for the rest of her life. We laughed for 20 minutes straight as she told me about her IVF crashing experience, and luckily for you she blogged about it too.

Make sure to check out her blog Inner Quelle Davida to read the condensed version. She just started blogging recently too, so make sure to leave her some love in the comments section. After all, she risked life and limb, not to mention being torn apart by wolves...I mean desperate infertile women, who could have blown her cover at any moment! 

And to my sister, who is the one person who knows me better than anyone else in this world,THANK YOU for providing us with something to laugh about for at least the next decade. This will certainly make for some good story telling in the years to come. Love you!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Back to Acu...Mission Re-Balance in Effect

Monday's are always better when you've been a "good girl" over the weekend. What qualifies being a good girl to me? For one, making it the entire weekend without consuming sugar. I was soooo tempted to hit Froyo but abstained. DH and I are very healthy eaters in general, but the weekends we typically let loose and indulge in the things we haven't had all week. He's out of the country on business, and I tend to do a little better when I'm solo...Admittedly, we are bad influences on each other sometimes!

A self proclaimed lifetime sugar addict, I have been known to wake up on Monday with a food hangover from the ice cream and cookies the night before. However, I'm trying to limit sugar, excess dairy and cold foods in order to keep a nice warm fertility friendly environment in my belly right now.

Secondly, limiting alcohol consumption....which I also did with only 1/2 a glass for the Superbowl yesterday. I actually dumped the other half out and switched to hot ginger tea instead. "Where is Emily and what have you done with her?!" you ask.  I'm still here. I'm just on a roll to re-balance at the moment, so happy hour will have to take a rain check.

Friday, I started back up with acupuncture. I stopped going for a while, because...

A) It's kinda pricey and when you add that to fertility treatments, it adds up!

B) I wondered how much more I could really clear my body after going for 9 months straight already. Then I got pregnant.

C) My acu treats me according to where I'm at in my cycle. During and following the ectopic I wasn't really sure where I was in an any sort of real cycle. I just felt so "on hold."

I've been having that still small voice in my head telling me to do more to actively re-balance again. In addition to pulling the eating reigns, acupuncture is how I do that best. My appointment was fantabulous as always! Melissa, my acu, is SO good at what she does. She specializes in fertility and pregnancy mostly and she doubles well as a therapist, because she's such a good listener and pays attention to every little detail.

She can look at my tongue, feel my pulse, and tell me exactly how fast or slow my digestion is, whether or not my body is holding onto "dampness"  and what types of energy and meridians can benefit from clearing. She can even assess where I'm having blockages based on my waking times throughout the night. I know this might be really hard to understand if you've never been to acu. I never really "got it" before I started going, but I'm a believer now! 

During my treatments, Melissa always gets excited when she sees stagnation released from certain meridians. She can tell this when the session is over and she removes the needles. If there are points which "release" they will give off a tiny drop of blood. In Chinese medicine, this is evidence that blockages have been released. Practitioners can even tell how old the stagnation is by the shade of the blood.

I had two major releases: the conception vessel and spleen meridian. Melissa said she was not shocked by this, because following an ectopic pregnancy, it would make sense that my conception meridian needed cleared. My body was holding onto that energy for so long and it was a very long drawn out process ending the ectopic. The points connected to the conception meridian released dark old looking blood, and she said this was very good to see.

Melissa also wasn't surprised I had release through the spleen meridian, because this is directly tied to digestion. At the beginning of my appointment she knew my digestion was slowed that day just by analyzing my tongue's slight coating, and that's why she treated me for stagnation in the spleen meridian. Sure enough, during the treatment I could feel major movement happening in my digestive system, and the minute I got home following the treatment, I was able to "fully clear" the stagnation...twice within a few hours in fact. Sorry if that's TMI, but I'm just trying to illustrate concrete examples of how I know this stuff is legit.

I am a skeptic about anything until I've researched it and seen proof that is actually helps, and acu treatments have proven time and again that they are worth it for me in so many areas. Outside of fertility issues, Melissa has also helped treat me for insomnia, anxiety, and headaches....all of which I've seen improved after treatments. I don't know if I'll ever fully understand how it works, but all I know is that it does!

I've also re-started my  Circle + Bloom daily meditations along with warm castor oil packs and fertility yoga. Doing these really helps force me into daily relaxation. Luckily, it was sunny and 70's weather all weekend long too, which always helps me feel happy and balanced. I was in the sun as much as possible and it felt great! Weather has been absolutely gorgeous in Austin lately!

I pulled weeds and detailed my ride outside while Jazzy held down the fort inside...

Jazzy needs is a pair of shades and a mini margarita in hand. lol

This picture cracks me up, because all day long she was sunning her arms while she shaded her face. She would lay in her cubby until she got too hot, then would move to our bedroom floor for a breather in full shade, then return to the mother like daughter. haha! It was so flippin cute!

As I mentioned, dear hubby is out of the country on business. I'm starting to see signs of ovulation impending, but still no positive OPK as of this morning thankfully! For the past 19 months I've prayed every single month for an earlier ovulation (before CD20), but this is one month I would like it to wait at least a couple days from now! It's CD16 today, and I've never ovulated before CD18 during a natural cycle. Let's just hope that doesn't change now while he's out of town!

I feel like this is really a great cycle so far. I had a very healthy menses to start it off. I had an easy and totally clear HSG. I'm seeing egg white cervical fluid in small patches now, which doesn't always happen for me. I'm doing great with meditating and staying centered, and I'm in a very balanced place emotionally considering.  Everything's just lining up perfectly. Now if the OPK's can just hold off long enough for my husband to get back, I think we'll be set!

I really want this to be our pre-IVF savior cycle. Please pray with me that God will bless us with a miracle this month.  I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly in all of my life!