However....
-I am grateful that I had a couple of close friends who let me cry on their shoulder and really stepped up and made sure I wasn't alone yesterday.
-I am grateful that my hubby decided to fly home a day early and arrives home tonight.
-I am grateful that we have 5 good looking frozen embryos just waiting for a chance to be given life.
-I am grateful that my RE called me to talk today, and I still feel confident I am in really good hands.
-I am grateful that even though this is a really hard blow on many levels, that I still have the resolve to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep trying.
We will just have to put one foot in front of the other and try again. I'm not sure if we'll go straight into a FET cycle or take a month long break to re-charge mentally first, but we are not giving up. That I know for sure.
NOOOO! Em, I'm so sorry. This sucks. I remember the disappointment that came with my cancelled cycle and I still haven't been brave enough to move forward again. Your attitude is so inspiring. Although you are sad (I'm sad for you), you have such a positive attitude about your frozen embies and moving forward. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI am so sad that this IVF didn't work out for you. Everything went so perfect it just truly surprises and shocks me and then the horrible, painful AF to boot. I am really glad your DH is coming back tonight so you guys can grieve together and very happy your RE called you and that you are in such good hands. *hugs* You WILL be a Mom!!!
ReplyDeleteGosh, I was so sure it was going to work... so sorry Sweetie, but like you said, you have 5 frosties, a lot of people think FET's are more successful than a transfer right after stims because the body has time to get back to normal. I think there might be some truth to that. I think you have a GREAT shot at this, cry all you need knowing this is not the end in any way. Big hugs!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so, so, so sorry. I've been checking your blog a million times a day for an update. I don't really have any words, other than just like you said- put one foot in front of the other, and never give up. It WILL be worth it in the end.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry! I really thought this was going to work for you, those embryos looked perfect!! I guess there is no rhyme or reason when IVF fails... I am right there with you and sending you lots of good vibes to get you through the next few weeks... It totally sucks that this didn't work for you, but you sound like you are in a good place mentally.
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of doing a cleanse before I move on to more treatment. It might help me feel like I am having a fresh start.
I am really sorry to hear your news. I was so hopeful for you. I am glad your husband will be with you soon to comfort you and look forward to continuing to read about your journey as you move forward.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I've been thinking about you non-stop for the past few days. I am profoundly sorry and wish I could drink at giant WTF glass of wine with you. Know that across the country, I'm doing just that in your honor. I'm so glad you are in such good hands and still have those little frozen embies just waiting for you!! Big, gigantic hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteEmily, I know in my heart you will have success soon- please don't give up. You have the best attitude and I love the way you see humour in things- this positive frame of mind will get you there I promise. The stats for first cycle aren't that good, even if all looks perfect. I promise by second or third you will be pregnant, I can just feel it in my waters!! Lots of love to you and hubby xo
ReplyDeleteI can't even tell you how sad I am for you, Emily. I will never understand how the universe (or God) works. Why sometimes everything can be lined up perfectly, but the result is far from perfect. It totally sucks. Beyond sucks. You are so strong, and I'm glad to hear that you are going to keep doing all you can to kick infertility's ass and bring home your baby. I am also glad to hear that you have some good friends taking care of you and that DH will be home soon to be with you at this difficult time. Praying for you and sending you giant virtual hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh Emily. This breaks my heart. I cannot understand this at all. Praying for you and your husband. (((((((BIGGEST HUGS EVER)))))))
ReplyDeleteWell his sucks the big one. I am soooo sorry, my friend.
ReplyDeleteYa gotta scream. And shout. And let it all out.
I think that's a song. But it fits for a failed IVF cycle.
Hugs and loves to you.
I know there is nothing I can say or do to ease the pain. If I had the money I would be on the next plane out to Austin to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on if you needed it. I am so glad Matt is coming home early. Sending you big hugs. love you!
ReplyDeleteEm my heart is broken for you guys. I am at a loss for words. Relieved that your husband is on his way home. Hopefully with some cheese and chocolate to indulge in. You are in my daily prayers and I hope you feel comfort soon. Damn. I'm joining Suzanne in my WTF glass of wine for you tonight. XOXOXO Biggest virtual hug ever!
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so sorry to read this.
ReplyDeleteI really don't know what to say.... You have been through so much. I love your attitude. I will definitely be following your journey and praying for your BFP.
~Emily
Noooooo! Ughhh, I'm so so so sorry! I hate this! There are just no words! Really encouraged and impressed by your attitude! Hoping that good news and better days are just around the corner! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm so disappointed for you! It sucks to go through the whole process and get nothing out of it other than a heavy, painful period. Like you said, one foot in front of the other. You WILL get there. And kudos to you for taking some time to think of things you're grateful for. Not easy to do when going through a BFN.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so, so sorry Em. My heart is broken for you but I am so inspired by your ability to still feel grateful today. You will be in my thoughts and prayers! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI am so, so sorry. You've been in my heart all day and my heart is hurting for you so much. Prayers continue!
ReplyDeleteUGH So not the news I was hoping for! I'm so sorry to hear that! :(
ReplyDelete=( =( =( =(
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this- My thoughts and prayers for peace and strength go out to you <3
NOOOOO!!!!! Mother F'er!!! This is so not cool!!! I'm so, sooooo sorry :( I know the hurt that comes with this, and I'm sending huge hugs your way! I'm glad you had some great friends to be there for you. This journey is so unfair, unpredictable, and mind boggling. I hope you find peace with your decision to move on right way or take a break. Big hugs, Emily. This is so not fair! xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteHugs! A failed IVF is terrible enough without a vengeful AF. =( I hope the pain (both physically and emotionally) subsides for you soon.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Emily! I cried for 2 days, it's an awful feeling! We had to wait one cycle before we could start on our FET. I started my BCP's a week ago and other than hating the BCP's it's not too bad.
ReplyDeleteI'm so hopeful that you will have a baby!
I am so sorry Em. I feel like crying with you. I so thought this was it for you. You have such a great optimistic point of view and I am glad you had friends to give you a shoulder to cry on. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteOh, Emily, this breaks my heart -- I really thought this one would work for you guys. It makes me very happy to hear you'll be trying again, though. When you're ready, I'd suggest having a longer talk with your RE to see if there could be anything whatsoever not totally perfect with your lining. With your embabies looking so awesome and everything going so well, that would be my only red flag, wondering why it didn't implant, you know? Anyway -- give that some thought later on. In the mean time, stay strong and power through this. We're here if you need us. xo.
ReplyDeleteEmily,
ReplyDeleteI have had your post up on my computer since yesterday afternoon...trying to come up with the perfect thing to say. The right words that will make all of this a little easier. And honestly, I am at a loss. I am so sorry that this cycle wasn't the one. I wanted it soooo bad for you and was positive that this was it. This is so unfair! I am devastated. At this point, although I am grieving right along with you, I am sooo happy that you have 5 frosties waiting for you. That is so reassuring. I just know your golden embryo (or two) is in that bunch. I will keep praying daily for you and that beautiful family that I know is right around the corner. So glad you are not giving up!
Hugs,
Kara
Hey, stopping over from Dreaming of Dimples to say I'm so sorry that this happened. I wish I had something better to say, or something more inspiring... but for now "I'm sorry" is the best that I have. I know for me having 6 little babies on ice has been the difference between taking a deep breath and moving on after my m/c and totally falling apart at the seams. Best of luck to you on the next round, I'll be rooting for you over here.
ReplyDeleteI'm sooo sorry!! I'm a new follower! I should introduce myself!! I know just how horrible you must feel, but hang in there!! Take this time and be mad and sad and upset. I've done it twice with none on ice! I'm so happy you have some on ice!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear of this news.
ReplyDeleteEmily, you're a fighter and you will win this battle of infertility.
FET's have such a higher success rate and I'm sure the next "snowbaby" is going to be YOUR baby!!
Don't give up.
I'm so sorry that your first try didn't work ((((huge hugs))))
ReplyDeleteI hope having the 5 frosties ready and waiting helps soften the blow a little bit. I will keep praying for your BFP!
(I'm Kearazy on BBC)
How are you sweetie? I've been thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteYou are on my mind Em.
ReplyDeleteOh Emily, I have but very few words to say except that I'm sorry that the first round did not work out. I don't have a doubt in my mind that you will be a mommy someday but can understand that this is a difficult time for you right now. Be with your hubby, recoup and re-energize your soul for your next round. Sending lots of east coast love you way. xoxoxo
ReplyDelete