Monday, June 10, 2013

Not So Lovely Lovenox: A Haiku

Lovenox injections are in full swing for our FET cycle. Don't be fooled by the name. There is nothing lovely about these injections. As I mentioned earlier, I'm taking liquid fire ants....I mean LOVENOX this time around to counteract the thrombophilia (blood clotting issues) that I was so lucky to inherit. Hormones increase blood clotting even further, and Lord knows I'm all hopped up on those. I'm taking estradiol 3 times per day now to help my endometrial lining grow nice and cushy and become a perfect place for an embryo to snuggle in.

While my RE is not convinced taking Lovenox will make or break the implantation process during an IVF cycle (he only recommended I take it once a pregnancy is confirmed), my instincts tell me that it could benefit me. Plenty of other RE's and RI's out there take a more aggressive approach than my doctor.

For patients like myself with APA (Anti-Phospholipid Antibody) Syndrome, there are basically two schools of thought; Some doctors believe Lovenox is only necessary once pregnancy is achieved to prevent miscarriage. Others believe that thrombophilias and APA's contribute to miscarriage, infertility, and IVF failure all through the same mechanism; In short, the blood is not flowing freely enough to nourish the areas which need it most during all stages from conception through time of delivery.

The theory for Rx'ing Lovenox during IVF cycles for women with multiple clotting factors is that increasing blood flow to the uterus is just as good for implantation as it is in preventing miscarriage. If I'm supposed to take this stuff IMMEDIATELY upon a positive pregnancy test to prevent miscarriage, why wouldn't I also take it to help an embryo implant? Seems like common sense to me, and it can't hurt, so I began the injections on CD6 this cycle. My RE is in fact aware of this and has given me clearance despite his own feelings of ambiguity.

The only thing that's unfortunate about taking these "lovely" Lovenox shots is that the medicine itself burns worse than any other shots I've done...including Menopur. There really are no words to describe my contempt right now. However, I have written you all a lovely haiku to convey my feelings towards this wonder drug...

Not So Lovely Lovenox

Ice cold skin turns red.
Alcohol readies bullseye.
Deep breath in and hold.

Stabbing, Holding, Breathe!
Wincing, Tremble, Plunging Slow...
HOLY SHIT IT BURNS!

Nothing prepares me.
Liquid fire ants in my pants!
Make it go away!

No pills for this crap?
NOT so lovely Lovenox.
Bring baby or else!


You get the gist. I set a goal last week to master giving these horrible shots to myself, because WHEN I do become pregnant, I'll need to take them every day for 9 months throughout pregnancy. 

So far, I have gotten half way there. Hubby stabs me and I plunge the liquid fire into my belly. Today I tried doing the whole shibang myself, but it was soooo pitiful. I stuck myself half-way a few times, just enough to draw blood in 3 separate places, before realizing my love handles are made of rubber and jabbing the needle all the way in is not nearly as easy as I thought. I don't know if it's from the icing, but my fat is all hard and rubbery and it's like it repels the needle from going in. Blech!!! Gives me the heebie geebies just replaying it in my mind! Hubby says, "Just don't look." hahaha! Yeah right.


After multiple self-administer attempts, I was seriously about to have an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe, got extremely lightheaded and ultimately began to cry. I can only compare my fear of needles to the fear most people have of public speaking or jumping from high places. I have zero issue with either of those things.

Skydiving from 10,000 feet in the air in Kauai, HI...no problem!
Not even a slight bit scary.

Needles, on the other hand, are a totally different story. After about 10 minutes of me pacing and repeating, "Ok I'm going to do it now. 1-2-3....Ugh! I can't do it! I can't do it!!!" I finally gave up. I took a breather, re-iced a whole new area and started all over again with our old routine...hubby stabbing and me plunging. I seriously don't know if I'll ever be able to do these shots 100% on my own. I am getting anxiety just blogging about it.

All I know is that I really hope the Lovenox lives up to it's name. There are no guarantees, but I feel much better knowing I'm taking something this round to deal with the clotting issues vs. doing nothing at all. I keep reminding myself how grateful I am that an anti-coagulant medication even exists and that my insurance covered it. Plus, there are no food restrictions whatsoever, as there are with other blood thinners. I can deal with any amount of pain in this world if it brings us our take home baby. We've got this.



39 comments:

  1. You poor, poor thing! That sounds awful. We have a lot in common. Speech in front of hundreds. No prob. Skydiving, sure. Shots...no way! I pass out. It sucks. Luckily, hubby is a paramedic so he did my injections. Bu the worst sting I had was menopur....and this sounds much worse! Hang in there. Hope it is all to bring home that baby.

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    1. Wow, you married the right fellow Jessah! The sting feels the same as menopur at first I guess, but it's about 4 times the amount of solution so it builds up under the skin and spreads and takes forever to get it all in. If it wasn't so much liquid it probably wouldn't be so bad.

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  2. Oh Emily, this sounds terrible! Listening to you girls talk about injections for weeks (and months) makes my freak out over six days even more pathetic! I literally cannot imagine! Praying that this will all be worth it very, very soon!

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    1. It's tough no matter how much you have to do it. You are sacrificing just as much as anyone else!

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  3. Why can't you take Heparin instead? That's what I was prescribed for my last FET and my current one. It doesn't hurt any worse than a Lupron shot, no food restrictions... easy stuff. Lovenox sounds awful. But we'll do whatever it takes, right? Hope it gets easier! Love the haikus by the way! :)

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    1. Not sure Lisa, but my understanding is that the half life of Lovenox is twice as long as Heparin, lasting a full 24 hours and requiring less dosage, making it more effective. I've heard that many OB/GYN's switch patients to Heparin from Lovenox closer to delivery time for that reason, because it's not "as strong" and clears the body faster. I am def no expert on this stuff, just what I've heard. It just happens to be what my hematologist wrote me the script for.

      Thank you for complimenting my haiku skills. Been a while since I put those to good use. haha!

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  4. Oh my god I love your poem! I have not experienced the shots yet. However if this IUI is a no go, needles here I come. Shit's about to get real. I hope your sticks get easier and less painful. No need to be superwoman. Let DH stick you!

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    1. Thank you for saying that I don't need to be superwoman. I think I got overconfident once I started doing the plunging part of the process and thought I could handle it. No bueno. I've decided I'm going to let him keep doing the stabbing part until I am absolutely forced to do it myself someday.

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  5. Goodness Emily, that does not sound fun at all. Praying for you and that God provides healing to your body and makes it ready for a sweet baby!

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    1. Thank you so much! I can always use you in my prayer corner!

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  6. I'm glad that you're taking the Lovenox. I hope that's what does the trick!! The injection sounds just horrible- I'm so sorry you have to deal with that :(. Why can't shots be painless?! xoxo

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    1. I'm saying. Why can't they just make a pill that works the same? Man on the moon, sure. Lovenox in pill form? Not so lucky...sure would be nice!

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  7. So many thoughts on this post! 1) my fat was repelling the injections for IVF#2 so I sympathize with how much that sucks. 2)I just love that you actually wrote a poem about this 3)I agree that its a good idea to start taking it now instead of waiting to get preggo first. 4)awesone picture of you skydiving, you go girl!!
    I am hoping and praying for thebest for you my friend :)

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    1. Thank you for validating my fat repelling! I had never tried to stick myself ever before this, but it was like trying to stick a needle in a basketball! It is the grossest feeling ever!

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  8. You are brave for trying to stick yourself...cause I probably would of done what your Hubs recommended. Close my eyes. lol Not a good idea. I hope this gives you your miracle baby.

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    1. I know! I would love to close my eyes, but then I can't see where I'm going. It's so nervewracking. We decided he's back on the job today though, because I'm not going through the anxiety of what happened y'day every single day. Thanks JoJo!

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  9. I love your haikus....liquid fire ants in my pants had me laughing! I don't have a fear of needles, but I still make the hubs do it if he's around- the self injecting angle is weird for me. I hope they get better/ easier/ less burn-y. Love the skydiving picture! THAT is bravery :)

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    1. I think my angle is fine, but I'm just a wuss clearly! I got all inspired hearing of women doing their own PIO injections in their own rear ends and thought surely I could do this! Nope, not so much.

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  10. You are such a trooper. I'm so sorry those shots are so difficult for you, but LOVE your sense of humor with it all. What other choice do we have, no? I'm so hopeful for you this cycle. I really want you to get away from all of this infertility hoopla. xo

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    1. All I can do is laugh at this point. At least I'm actually in a place right now where I'm not overcome with worry about whether it will work or not too. I think some of that probably comes from the fact that I'm doing these daily shots, taking the other meds as prescribed, and just being a "good girl." I know I'm doing all I can. That is all I can do, and it's either going to work or it's not. Def trying to find ways to laugh along the way!

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  11. Oh WOW. I've heard in passing that Lovenox is a tough medication to take but your description makes that seem much more REAL. You are doing so great and I think you should applaud how far you've come. Just keep working at it...I know you can do this!

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    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

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  12. I can't even imagine but if you get your take home baby I know it will be worth every minute of it :) On another note I would so rather stick myself with needles every day than jump out of or off of anything at any height! lol

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    1. So crazy the different phobias people have. You would think that facing all these needles head I would have defeated my fears by now, but nope....still hate them. haha!

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  13. Oh man, that Lovenox injection certainly doesn't seem lovely at all! And I love your haiku. It depicts the suckiness perfectly! Hopefully this little buggar is just what is needed for you to bring home your take home baby this time! Then, it will all be worth it. You are always in my thoughts and prayers...but those prayers are on double time now that you are in your cycle. You deserve this more than anyone I know, Emily!

    Hugs,
    Kara

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    1. Thank you for saying I deserve this Kara. I sure feel like it's our turn, that hubby and I both deserve for this journey to have it's happy ending. I appreciate the prayers. Keep 'em coming!

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  14. You are SO brave!!! The lovenox sounds absolutely horrible, but it will be so worth it when you get your sticky baby :) BTW, I am super impressed by your skydiving adventure in Hawaii. I wanted to zip line when we were there last summer and was terrified at that! You're in my thoughts and prayers, I know your time is right around the corner!

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    1. Oh you've gotta do the zipline if you go again. We did that also in Kauai and LOVED it. It was a combo excursion with a horseback ride afterwards and it was just gorgeous. Now you are making me want to go back to Hawaii!

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  15. The haiku's are great but it SUCKS that you're in pain! Ouch!!

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    1. Yeah it does suck, but who knows maybe I'll get to childbirth and be like, "That's it?" Ok, maybe not, but maybe moreso than a woman who hasn't undergone any of this crap.

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  16. Holy crap, I had no idea you had to take Lovenox through the ENTIRE pregnancy! Lord, that's gonna be painful... but as you say, probably less painful than suffering a m/c or another BFN. Hoping it gets easier for you to cope with. I had to laugh at your skydiving pic, btw -- you look totally blasé about it, like someone just presented you with a lukewarm bowl of plain oatmeal for breakfast YET AGAIN and you're feigning interest. :)

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    1. lukewarm bowl of oatmeal....bahaha! You crack me up! Yeah, it was the same feeling I get when I'm just sitting there getting a pedicure pretty much....after the initial plummet out of the plane of course. hehe

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  17. Poor thing, I'm so sorry. I would just let your hubby do it as much as you can and forget about trying it yourself. An upcoming FET is a lot of stress already, I wouldn't add anything to it... once you get pregnant and only if you have to do it on your own, then you can start and I bet it will be a lot easier knowing your little one is nesting in there already!

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    1. Yep, I have not tried doing it again myself since this incident of extreme over self-confidence. If he's here, he's doing the stabbing from now on and forever more as long as he's willing to do it. And yes, I think you are right that actually being pregnant will be an even bigger motivator to get it done if I have to on my own.

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  18. Oh Emily! This sounds tough to say the least. I did two shots of heparin per day throughout my pregnancy. It wasn't fun...but it wasn't lovenox. I've heard lovenox is much worse. I think you're wise and brave though to start it early. It can't hurt and lord knows we need all the help we can get!

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    1. I'm sure heparin twice daily wasn't a walk in the park either, but I'd rather have a more painful shot and only deal with it once. I do like that the Lovenox is pre-filled too and no mixing required as with heparin. Thanks Em for the support!

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  19. I'm totally with you on the shots Emily! Your story about psyching yourself up, stopping, freaking out, having to reice and start over- yup, that was me earlier this week when dh was out of town and unable to give me my PIO shot. Oh and the first time he gave me the shot? I sobbed before hand. It didn't even hurt, LOL, it was the anticipation. But I've backpacked through Syria and India and been to southeast Asia alone and never freaked out about THAT, ha ha ha...

    It will all be worth it in the end and I think you are one smart cookie to push your doc to do lovenox NOW. I did the same with steroids- I was like, hey, so many doctors believe this will help and if it won't hurt just give me the damn drugs, ha ha.

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    1. If only we could get all the doctors on the same page with everything, right? I'm glad yours finally agreed to the steroids. I've asked about using a low dose steroid at least 3-4 times since my failed IVF and my RE still contends that there is no evidence to support their use for IVF. Like you though, I definitely think there is something to them! I'm so happy you are taking matters into your own hands, and I really REALLY hope you'll be getting some good news this coming week!

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  20. Hi, I also have antiphospholipid antibody syndrome and I'm on Lovenox. I have a tip for the injection. GO SLOW!! Like ridiculously slow. I take anywhere from 30-45 seconds to inject and it doesn't sting and I don't get bruises. You'll know when you're going the right speed because it won't sting at all. I started out taking 60 seconds and slowly sped up a little. My first Lovenox shot ever I just pushed the plunger as quickly as I did for my Menopur shots and holy moly it hurt worse than the time I got stung by a bee!! Hope this helps!!

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