Monday, August 12, 2013

A Due Date That Wasn't: Little Green Pills, Good Friends, and Grace from God

So is it still considered EWCM if it's bright green? That is my million dollar question for the day! Perhaps if the manufacturers could do us all a favor and make estradiol pills a different color than bright teal? Believe me, I'm not complaining too loudly. I will take pills over shots any day, and I'm getting quite used to sticking random prescriptions in my vag. If it helps my lining for this cycle, I'm all for it. It just amazes me that something this teeny tiny....



can create such an influx of fertile fluid. My estrogen must be surging like a mofo right now, which is exactly what we want. If only this phenomenon could occur in my body without taking drugs, we just might have a kid by now! Speaking of which, I was supposed to be delivering a baby today.  Instead, I did yard work and stepped in a huge pile of fire ants. Whatever. The sun is shining, and I'm trying not to let today's "due date that wasn't" bother me.

I am thankful today's date hasn't been as hard emotionally as it was the for the first one that passed in July 2012. Sure, it was the first thing I thought of when I got out of bed today, but I just took a deep breathe and told myself that I had a choice; To be pitiful and depressed or to take a look around and appreciate all the good things. I chose to give thanks for all that we have and focus on anything other than what would have been. I am reeeeally trying my best to live in the NOW; Forget the past. Do not worry about the future. Just be grateful and soak in the now.

I started my day off reading a few scriptures that a very dear blog friend passed along. Some of you may know Caroline @ Team Harries Beats Infertility. If you haven't already, make sure to stop by her blog and check it out! It just so happens that she has family in Austin, and we were able to do a quick meet up yesterday.


I can't tell you how REFRESHING it is to connect with other women going through similar struggles who are so caring, selfless, and grounded. This girl is not only drop dead gorgeous, but she is one of the most POSITIVE people on the planet. Her outlook on infertility and life in general is truly inspiring, and I feel like God placed her in my life for a reason. Caroline, you are SUCH A GEM! I would not wish this infertility journey on my worst enemy, but I've got to say I have met some amazing women throughout this process. You all continually inspire me with your strength to keep going.

And like other women I've talked to, I believe this process is also strengthening my spirituality. There have been times in my life where I would consider myself more devout and times where I have seriously questioned my faith. Being a faithful follower is not a perfect process, especially when times are tough, but my relationship with God is one that I believe is real and which I will always come back and look to, both in times of trial and in times of celebration.

I was raised in the Episcopal church, and hubby was raised in Catholic and Methodist churches (I think). We both miss Sunday services and have decided it's high time to find a "real church" (other than t.v. sermons) to attend in person regularly. After all, we definitely want to raise our kids in church, so makes sense to be proactive now. We are basically church hopping until we find one that fits. 2 down, but no cigar quite yet. It will take some time, but I am confident the right one for us is out there.

Outside of that, hubby is still at University of Florida working on his MBA... 7 more days until he returns. I am basically just holding down the fort and being a good little girl here; Eating super clean, treating the ole bod like gold, and trying to remember to take these hulkalicious pills on time amidst the bazillion other supplements I'm on. Tomorrow begins estradiol 3x's daily. 10 days and counting until the lining check!

29 comments:

  1. I love meeting infertile blog friends! You two look absolutely beautiful!!

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    1. I know you have had the opportunity to do the same over in CA, and it is great when we have the chance isn't it? Thanks Kharini!

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  2. Fun! Caroline is super sweet, so I'm definitely jealous that y'all live close enough to meet up! It is SO nice to connect with someone in a real, one-on-one, look them in the eye conversation! Good for you girls!

    Green CM sounds pretty terrible, but it sounds like it's working! Wishing you all the best as your lining check approaches! Thinking big, fluffy thoughts!

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    1. You know, so many times I could totally do without the internet (social media mostly) and technology, but it's times like that when I can connect with someone in real life that I've met online that make it all worthwhile. Makes me actually appreciate the internet even more for how we can all connect.

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  3. How great that you two got to meet up!! You both look great :)

    I'm glad you are noticing a difference with the estradiol. I am not looking forward to the green EWCM.... I guess it puts a damper on the sex life!? hahaha

    Good luck on your next appointment!

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    1. If you are instructed to use the pills vaginally before bed, it's only green that night and the first 1/2 of the following day, so there is room for fun anytime between lunch and bedtime without scaring your husband. Ha! Plus, all the estrogen increases sex drive, which is a plus. ;)

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  4. Awwwww!!! You met Caroline?!?! Im jealous!! You both are GORGEOUS!! I'm glad that you were able to think positively today... And that you ended up having an OK day, at least! Are you taking the estradiol as a suppository?? I'm taking it every night right now orally but the prometrium I'm taking as a suppository- and at least it's white as opposed to teal!!

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    1. Yes, taking the estradiol as a suppository for the PM dose. AM dose is oral and starting tomorrow, additional oral lunchtime dose. Looks like I'll have hulk vag this entire cycle though from the nighttime dose. Then I get to add the oh so fun Crinone AM & PM on top of it. Yippee! Fun stuff! lol

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  5. I LOVE that you were able to meet up with Caroline. She IS a gem and I tell ya, she certainly inspires me to keep a mentally healthy outlook on infertility and she's so inspiring. You both look fabulous and I'm so glad it was a nice visit.

    YUCK on the teal pills. That is one of my favorite colors but there are definitely places that I do not want to see that color coming out of. You are such a trooper, but I guess we do what we have to don't we.

    I totally forgot and this post reminded me that we were both original had July 2012 due dates. I agree...that one will probably always be the hardest, but it's hard not to let think about it either. I'm so glad you made it through the day. Maybe it doesn't get easier...we just get stronger? I'd like to think that's the case. xo

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    1. We just have way too many similarities don't we? I look forward to the day when we are comparing baby pics and celebrating "due dates" that actually become real birthdays for our kiddos.

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  6. Caroline is a great lady and so are YOU! Glad you had that opportunity.

    Green vag fluid would never seem ok to me. I may 'close my eyes'. HAHAHAHA.

    Big Hugs on the Due date. I am dreading February.

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    1. Will definitely be thinking of you come February my dear.

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  7. awww yay!!! Love this post!! You are such a blessing to me!!! Still praising God we got to meet. Praying for you lots!! What a good reminder: to soak in the now!!! Speaking of reminders, this picture is a good reminder not to wear my glasses in public because of the awful glare, ha!!! Hugs for you!

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    1. Oh stop it! You are gorgeous inside and out! I am actually a sweaty hog in this pic, but we had slim pickins. We will get a better photo next time when we aren't sitting outside in TX heat for an hour beforehand. It's the memory that matters!

      Thank you so much for the scriptures and prayers. I can't tell you how much they helped me today. Hope to see you again soon lovely! Muah!

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  8. You both look amazing! So excited that you two were able to meet! I had to set alarms on my phone to remember to take all my pills :)

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth! Btw...I left a couple comments on your blog, but it's like they kept getting snatched into thin air or something. I would go back and they'd be gone! Anyway, I hope you got my congratulations and messages that disappeared into thin air!

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    2. Oh no! I didn't get them :( Thank you for the congrats :) I'm praying that the third time is the charm for you and your DH!

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  9. That is so exciting that you two got to meet!! Both of you are an inspiration to me :) Thank you for the continued uplifing words and thoughts!

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  10. Hahhahhaha. Hulk vag.

    That's awesome that you guys got to meet!

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  11. Thinking of you today. And SO TOTALLY JEALOUS that you got to meet Caroline!

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  12. omg, bright green CM! That is so freaky! But hey, we do whatever it takes right? i just started an IF blog, would love for you to check it out!

    http://theifjourney.blogspot.com/

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  13. Funny that you mention the extra uh-hm "fluids" that are brought on by estrogen supplements. Although I'm using the Delestrogen shot instead, it's the same effect. I guess this is what "normal" women get all the time??? I'm only on cd9, but I've taken 4 shots so far and the fluids are a flowin'....lol The things we talk about, right?

    Okay, I just have to say AMEN to living in the now.....forgetting the past (unless it's a fond memory, of course).... not fretting over the future, and by God rejoicing in what we have in the NOW. I'm such a more serene and peaceful person when I remember to do this. It's extremely easy to get caught up in the stress and negativity that comes along with the IF journey.... but when I really try to focus on the NOW, my life is much easier, happier, and fulfilling.

    I must say, I'm excited that we are cycling for FET #2 together. I hope it ends in a baby bump to be for the both of us... or AT LEAST ONE OF US. I look forward to following you this cycle and cheering you on :)

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    1. Oh I would so love for us both to get pregnant with our FET's this cycle. I would love to celebrate right alongside someone I've been going through this journey for so long with!

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  14. OH, thank you for this! At least I know what to expect when we try the clomid/estrace thing. 2 last tries with pills before I become a human pin cushion.

    How cool to meet an infertility friend in person! You BOTH are gorgeous :)

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  15. Love this pic! I love TeamHarries blog- very cool that you could meet up. I have to say that infertility has brought so many amazing people into my life. :)
    FX for you this cycle Emily!

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  16. You both look gorgeous. It's always a pleasant time when you meet another person that understands exactly what your going through. Caroline is such a sweetheart always finds ways to change my perspective when I am feeling blue.

    You are such a strong woman and I admire you for that. I will continue to root for you until you conceive your miracle baby. I know you will and you will be an exceptional mother.

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  17. So glad Caroline posted your blog. I feel the same way about my faith building in direct relation to my infertility. I've also been focussed on living in the moment- if not I would drive myself crazy.

    You ladies are beautiful and inspirational. So glad to found both of you! Saying a prayer for the upcoming FET.

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  18. So glad y'all got to meet! How fun. I start the teal pills in two weeks. Yikes.

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  19. I'm a little behind, but wanted to say good luck with the cycle and let you know I was thinking about you. I hope everything looks great at your lining check this week. Sending lots of positive vibes your way!

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