Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Dear God, I've Sacrificed Facebook for Lent! Can You Hear Me Now?

Is it bad that I didn't even know it was Ash Wednesday until I logged onto facebook this morning? There was a funny picture posted outside a church that read, "Get your ash into church." Haha! Maybe I didn't know because I can count the number of times I've been to church on one hand in the past couple of years, and three of those times were funerals. Oh well. You don't have to attend church to have a personal and spiritual relationship with God. The other two times I attended Lakewood Church in Houston, TX to see Joel Osteen preach. Love me some Joel!

I really wanted to give up something for Lent this year, if for nothing else, to show God how grateful I am for Jesus dying on the cross, for the things I have in my life, and to show sacrifice and spiritual discipline as my own offering. The only problem was I couldn't think of anything to give up that I already haven't given up as part of "Project Reproduction." Wine? Well, I don't drink after ovulation, and don't do it much before either, so that's not much of a sacrifice anymore. Besides, I will definitely need at least A GLASS to stay sane if this cycle doesn't work out. The same thought process holds true for so many other things too, like ice cream, sugar, unhealthy foods, staying up late, going to Vegas (We just opted out of a trip there last weekend in order to stay all perfectly balanced with mind, body and what not). Sooooo, what is left?

I was literally about to post something on facebook to the effect of "What should I give up for lent this year? Any ideas?" when someone posted something really annoying and pregnancy related moments later. All of a sudden it clicked. I should just give up facebook! A few other women in my online support community for infertility have been talking about giving up facebook as well, and it got me even more excited about the idea!  So, I made my final post and said sayonara for the next 6 weeks.
 


It feels kind of freeing already to take a break from social media. I gave up twitter a long time ago and don't miss it one bit. Besides, all of my true friends have my phone number and email address. If they want Emily time, all they need to do is pick up the phone or shoot me an email! Speaking of real friends, I had an beautiful outdoor lunch with one of my favorite girls following acu today. Tammy is truly one of a kind, at the level of a sister really, and she is always toting crafty and yummy homemade gifts. She makes these chocolate covered long stem roses (which are actually strawberries) for Valentine's Day, and I just love that she is always doing nice things for other people. How crafty is she?!?!



I may not have a bazillion friends, but I have always been more of a quality over quantity girl. It's people like her that I'm truly grateful for. The heart shaped personalized valentine made me tear up too. Sooo sweet!

Full disclosure here: I've had a LOT of anxiety the past few days. I will just say this...DO NOT EVER send your huge 50 page stack of tax info. including all tax forms, your bank account/routing info., ss#s, and more than enough info for someone to steal your entire identity through USPS. I learned that the hard way! After 3 days of teamwork hounding USPS by myself and my accountant who lives in FL, the package was eventually recovered from the WRONG RECIPIENT and it is now in safe hands. However, I think I aged about 5 years this past weekend. I couldn't sleep, and I was in extreme panic mode...not quite the zen aura I'm trying to maintain over here! Even after the incident was over, it's like I JUST. COULDN'T. RELAX. Ugh! Sometimes I get caught in a weird anxiety mode and can't snap out of it! I know that probably sounds crazy if you don't have or understand anxiety, but it's a horrible feeling to have when you are just kind of stuck being anxious with no relief.

I've been doing two Circle + Bloom sessions daily, doing yoga, daily breathing, and listening to soft music, but nothing was helping me let go of the icky anxiety feeling. Yesterday, I finally ended up taking a xanax, which I rarely ever do unless it's dire straights, and I scheduled an extra acu session for today. Even though my RE says it's fine to take xanax, especially if it helps calm me, I just don't like putting things in my body unless it's absolutely necessary. In this case it was.


I am feeling MUCH better now. It's like night and day to how I felt yesterday! Acupuncture today worked out perfectly, because I'm 6 or 7 days past ovulation. Implantation will be occurring any day now if there is a fertilized embryo in there looking for somewhere to stake it's claim. I decided to keep my Friday acu appointment as well, which will be at 8 or 9 days past ovulation...still within the implantation window. I don't usually go twice a week, but since this is possibly our last cycle before moving onto IVF, I need all my energy flowing to the right places and the extra acu definitely can't hurt anything. All my chips are in!

In about a week's time we'll know if this cycle worked. Who knows, maybe I hadn't sacrificed enough yet and God was just waiting for me to give up facebook to show him how much I am willing to do for a baby. LOL  I'm half joking. At this point, I'm looking for any way possible to make my case to God. I would honestly do ANYTHING to become a mother at this point. If this picture perfect cycle full of crunchiness, self care, perfectly timed babydancing, and sacrificial facebook offerings doesn't work, we certainly know we've done all we can and that's all we can do!

15 comments:

  1. Good for you!!! I got off facebook about 2 years ago and I can honestly say it was the best decision I've ever made! It was so freeing and I didn't feel the need to compare my life to everyone else's life. You will love it, I bet you won't even get back on :) Enjoy it!

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    1. I love hearing from people who are facebook free for years now. It's motivating me to never go back! We shall see what happens!

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  2. That's awesome that you are in such a good place. Hope this is your cycle. I should probably give something up for lent too...but not sure what to do.

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    1. Well you are like me. You already eat super healthy, and I think you deserve to keep your wine for now with all you've been through. Hmmmmm Not sure, but let me know if you think of something Jessah!

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  3. You sound so happy, I'm so excited for you!

    I gave up facebook a few years ago too, one of the best decisions I've ever made! My online fertility support group just transferred to a forum on facebook, so I created a secret profile and it has been so nice. No one I know knows that I have it, so it's still liberating :)

    I hope the rest of your tww goes by really fast and you are able to stay unstressed. So glad no one stole your identity by the way! Have a good rest of the week!

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    1. That's a good idea Sara. I created two profiles (one business and one personal) a while ago, but I like that you have a secret one just for your support community. Love that idea!

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  4. Wow, giving up Facebook is pretty major! Good for you. Hopefully it'll also help calm some of your anxiety... I find social media can be an awesome way to keep up to date on people's lives, but when their lives are full of babies and whatnot, it just makes it so stressful.

    I really do hope this is your cycle, but the world works in bizarre ways... I had one particular month where I did EVERYTHING (acupuncture, no booze or caffeine, fertility supplements, meditation, etc.) and I ended up having all the classic pregnancy symptoms near the end, and then I got my period. I was just devastated. I think you just have to remember that this isn't all in your control, and it might just happen when you least expect it.

    (That said, I REALLY hope it happens in the next couple of weeks!)

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    1. Hmmmm. Didn't you just get pregnant doing IVF and staying on bed rest for 3 days solid following your embryo transfer? How on earth is that in the ballpark of it can "happen when you least expect it?" lol Congrats again by the way!

      All kidding aside, I get your point. I've had plenty of cycles where I've done everything right and have not ended up pregnant. I don't read into symptoms much myself and I'm not having any symptoms whatsoever right now anyways. My first pregnancy I did everything WRONG and got pregnant (but it ended in miscarriage). Second pregnancy I did everything RIGHT (but it was ectopic). It can go both ways. That is why there are so many crackheads with babies they can't support in this world and so many unplanned pregnancies.

      I just feel that it's my responsibility to do what I can. I see women who TTC for years on end, but they don't sacrifice anything. They are out drinking probably more than they should, eating poorly, and really just complaining about the fact they don't have a baby. Not saying they deserve infertility any more than I do, and I'm certainly not taking away the struggle that anyone has who's trying their best but it's not happening for them. I would just personally feel kind of irresponsible if I was whining about not becoming pregnant and not doing anything to at least help put my body in the best place I possibly could. Just trying to do the right things for a couple reasons....

      A) I just think scientifically. I'm trying to take as many variables out of the equation as possible.

      B) If/when we move onto IVF, I don't want to ever wonder if I could have saved 20K, not to mention the physical and emotional stress of it, if I just gave up wine or exercise or sugar ya know? I have to have peace of mind that we tried EVERYTHING that we could before we move onto the next step.

      Just a personal choice to do what I can on my end, but thanks for the reminder there are no guarantees. I won't be shocked in the least if this picture perfect cycle doesn't get me pregnant. I lost my rose colored sunglasses a long time ago unfortunately.

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  5. I am glad you are feeling better and good luck on your decision to give up FB for lent. I know that was a hard choice, but I hope you enjoy the break and not feel the constant need to "check in". I'm so hopeful for you for this cycle! I can't wait to hear about your BFP!

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    1. Thanks Amber! It's been pretty easy so far. I'm beginning to realize that the phone is probably the larger addiction. It's like a mini hub. I took the facebook app off my phone, and honestly I'm never too tempted to use it on my computer. Easy breezy so far!

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  6. Congratulations on giving up FB! You dont know how many people I hear talk about FB all day at work. I personally gave it up years ago and havent been tempted to go back. When ppl ask if I have one and my response is No they give me a crazy look like I am lying. So I ask why are you on FB? Usual response is to see what people are doing with their life's and criticize. Eh! Not my style. Like you said if they want 'U" time then they can pick up the phone.

    Still praying that this cycle brings you a BFP.

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    1. Thanks Jo Jo! I am guilty of lrying to get others to sign up for facebook who aren't on there, but I can def see the benefits of choosing not to be. I actually have always jokingly called it the anti-social media because in a weird way I feel like it takes the personal connection out of connecting with people...if that makes sense. Not missing it at all so far 2 days later!

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  7. Super impressed at you giving up Facebook. I admit it. I'm on there way too much. Enjoy taking a break from that madness!
    Still hoping for the best for you this cycle so you can forego the IVF! If not, we'll we're in this together!! :)

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    1. Thanks for always being so supportive Suzanne. It's so nice to know I've got an IVF buddy on standby and that I won't be alone if/when we need to travel that path. I hope your recovery is going nicely post-surgery! xo

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  8. Aw, what a great friend Emily! Quality is so much more important than quantity. I hate USPS. Our post office in particular is the worst. I'm glad you found your package!!! :)

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