Post-Transfer: Fertility Affirmations & Stress Free Zone

Yesterday's FET went off without a hitch. I would definitely say I had a peace that passes all understanding throughout the day. To begin with, we had some crazy fog like I've never seen before in Austin, and of course it caused a ton of traffic on the drive to our pre-transfer acu session. However, I wasn't phased and just had this overwhelming amount of calm and peace. My acupuncturist arrived 15 minutes late because of the crazy weather. I knew this would cut our session somewhat short and that we'd be late to our FET, but still I wasn't phased one bit. I was just so calm and content. I seriously felt like I'd taken a xanax or something, but I hadn't.

When we arrived we went through the normal drill...paperwork, gowns, hats, fuzzy slippers. The embryologist came out with pics of our embryos. To be honest, I would have liked to see them expanded a little further, but I think they just snap these pics kind of early in relation to the actual transfer time at my clinic. Don't get me wrong. They are good blasts! I just like to see them re-expanded fully out to the zona pellucida, but I really can't complain. Just as all of our other embryos, they have about 150-200 cells each and a clearly defined inner cell mass...

By the time we were rolled into the transfer room and saw our embabies on the screen they'd almost fully expanded. No luck seeing them hatching this time around, but the fact they'd progressed since these photos was reassurance they were indeed alive and kicking!

I think I've mastered the art of filling the bladder just enough for the ultrasound guidance by now and so did not need to have my bladder drained by my RE and did not even need to use the restroom after the transfer. I used my time laying on the table to listen to one of my favorite new affirmation CD's. I highly recommend this for anyone doing IVF or currently pregnant from IVF...

Fertility Affirmations by Sarah Arkell

When I first listened to this, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit I'll admit. Some of the affirmations you are supposed to repeat to yourself are...

"I conceive easily."
"My body always has normal cycles."
"The IVF process is easy for me."

Well, when those things haven't exactly been true in the past, it's seems a little pie in the sky to repeat at first. However, I realized that for every affirmation I was rolling my eyes at, it was a reminder of the negative script that was actually rolling in my subconscious and thus causing me to doubt these statements. If I'm rolling my eyes, it means I'm telling my body those things aren't true right? Well, I believe strongly in the power of the mind, and whether it's happened yet or not, I want my body to know I believe in it. I want to tell my body how powerful and amazing it is. I want to invite a successful pregnancy into our lives and put faith in my body to achieve this.

Even after everything we've been through, I have never EVER called my body "stupid." I hear women doing this all the time, and while I get the frustration with infertility 100%, it's kind of a pet peeve of mine to hear this. Doing the affirmations made me realize that even if I'm doing right by not constantly professing defeat over my body out loud,  I can still do even better. I can change the subconscious script that lays dormant even deeper in my psyche by talking to it and training my brain to think more positive thoughts. If it takes a cheesy affirmations CD from a lady with a soothing Australian accent to give me daily reminders of where my mind should be, then so be it!

Here is another one for all you ladies not undergoing IVF. It's designed for natural conception...

Hypnosis for Fertility by Bree Taylor Molyneaux

By the way, I downloaded these for free through Rhapsody. Both mp3's are available on Rhapsody, iTunes and Amazon, as well as other places online.

In an effort to stay in my little Zen bubble, I am definitely not rushing into any substitute teaching jobs the next few days. There is a lot of running around some days when subbing, to cover other teachers (during what it supposed to be the teacher's normal "plan time"). We get redirected to another class we may not even be signed up to sub for (their cheapskate way of saving $ on subs). There are days when I've barely had time to pee or eat lunch, and I don't feel comfortable running myself ragged when so much is at stake here.  My RE does not require strict bedrest, but just very limited activity and no doing anything you don't absolutely have to do.

My acu likes to do a session 24 hours after transfer, so I'll leave the house briefly to do that today. I will have one more session next week before our hCG test, which is on Friday 12/13. Let's hope we prove all the superstitions of that day wrong! My main focus has been and still is on remaining stress and drama free. And because I have way too much time on my hands today, here are some fun images which capture this...

Some good rules to live by. You don't have to ask me twice. If it doesn't make me feel good emotionally, spiritually or physically, I'm not subjecting myself to it!

Hubby flew out to FL this morning to take finals for his MBA program and begin new classes for next semester. Did I mention how proud I am of him? Well I am. He has managed to do extremely well in school, while working full time at a new position in his company, all while going through fertility treatments and attending EVERY single doctor's appointment throughout IVF....not to mention all the extra stuff guys "get to do" as part of this process.

Last night was one of the nights where we got to do 3 not so fun injections: Delestrogen, PEO & Lovenox. I turned around and watched him do the IM shots for the first time. Usually I just close my eyes really tightly and grab onto the kitchen counter like I'm bracing for hurricane force winds. While it was more painful watching the needles go in and out, I didn't faint or throw up.

Tonight will be the first night giving myself a PEO shot. Yikes! I'm actually not stressed that much about it in comparison to the one I'll be doing on Sat... It's the Delestrogen that scares me to death, because that's the thickest needle and it's like it grabs my ass cheek on the way out and the flesh clings to the big fat needle as it's being removed. It's so gross! All 3 of these shots have been bleeding more lately too, but perhaps that's a good sign my blood is actually flowing instead of clotting? Who the heck knows. All I know is that if other women before me have done these shots, then so can I.

One small step at a time...