Monday, November 26, 2012

Happy Anniversary to Me & Beta #3

This morning I woke up excited and also kind of nervous about what today would bring. For one, it is my 7 year wedding anniversary today. My husband had posted a sweet pic with a shout out to me on facebook, which made me smile as soon as I saw it....

11/26/05- St. James Islington (London), United Kingdom

That is one of my favorite pics from our wedding, because you can just see how much we love each other and how much fun we always have together. Then I realized that facebook wasn't even around back in 2005 and that we never shared our wedding photos with many of our friends. It inspired me to dig out the CD of photos from the big day and upload some in honor of our anniversary. Here is another favorite, because I just fell in love with this church. It was SO beautiful!...

Inside St. James' Islington- built 1875

Reminiscing about the day we exchanged our vows brought tears to my eyes. I have never forgotten how lucky I am, but seeing those pictures just made me think of all we've been through, and more importantly that my husband has been my absolute rock through it all. From looking at the pics, no one would even know that my mom had just passed away 3 months prior and that my step-dad had passed away 9 months prior both from ugly battles with cancer. Why? Because HE was by my side, and my face absolutely lights up when he's near me. I always know things will be OK as long as we are together.

It was really good for me to look at those pictures, because it made me realize that no matter how my Beta results came back today, I would be ok. I knew no matter what, we always survive the tough times, because we have each other. Honestly, thinking of that is what got me through the day without totally chewing off my own fingers from nervousness.

And then the call from the RE came. Well, the results didn't bring the much larger number I had conjured up in my head, but the nurse said the doctor is very content with my progression. She said, "Dr. Vaughn thinks this looks very promising, especially when you look at the whole picture of the progesterone continuing to rise along with the hCG." So here are the numbers as they stand at this point...

11/19- hCG= 22
           progesterone= 19.1

11/21- hCG= 85
           progesterone= 28

11/26- hCG= 396

           progesterone= 36

I have a really bad habit of being a perfectionist and being hard on myself.  I, of course, whipped out my calculator and did the math and the hCG is not quite reaching a doubling rate every 48 hours, but then again....technically it's supposed to double every 48-72 hrs. Since the latest hCG level didn't exactly measure up to the dream number I had in my mind (1,000+ would have been really nice!),  I totally grilled the nurse on the rate at which things were progressing. I just really want them to know they can be straight with me. I do not want anything being sugar coated! She basically told me I needed to STOP looking at various hCG charts online and that they are happy with how things are progressing. haha! Ok, ok, I'll stop.

It's just really weird when there is such a wide range of what is "normal" and you hear other women who are less than 5 weeks along with hCG in the thousands and mine is short of 400 you know? Nevertheless, I'm letting go of the worry and handing it over to God....yet again. I keep telling myself that it's not about the actual number so much as what is happening to the number, and it's RISING! The nurse also said that they want me to re-test everything one week from today and she scheduled a sonogram for 12/13 (about 7 weeks along). She made sure to tell me if they were concerned, they wouldn't be waiting a full week to re-test either. Alright, so that does make sense. They seem to have faith in me, so I am choosing to have faith too.

I know I have done everything I can to make sure this pregnancy sticks and will continue on just as I already have been. Besides that, I have some pretty important people in my husband and my God. Take that self doubt! I know I am in the very best hands possible, and I will try my best to remember that every single day I wake up and every single night when my head hits the pillow. Anytime I start to worry, I will find something to be grateful for instead....that's my plan and I'm sticking to it!


  1. Keep the faith! Choose hope! That sounds like a really good beta… it's going up and not down and that is something to be thankful for! So happy for you!

  2. Happy 7 years to you and your hubs! Been thinking of you all day today and hoping there was good news with the beta. And, there sure is! The number is progressing nicely. Way to go!

    I love that you are handing the worry over to God and finding things to be grateful for whenever that darn self doubt rears its ugly head. Such a good lesson to remmeber, for us all! My DH is my rock too, especially through all this TTC heartache, and I know I don't tell him nearly enough. I am going to make sure I tell (remind) him just how much I couldn't do any of this without him and his strength & support. Thanks for the reminder.

    So excited for you and your rising beta!!!


  3. Happy Anniversary!! What absolutely beautiful pictures. Love the church and love the love that shows on your face. Especially after such a difficult year. I know how hard it is to smile after that, but I agree with you, when you're with the right person they can make you smile in your darkest hour.

    As for the numbers, trust the doctors, and trust that little peanut growing in there. I know it's easier said that done, but I've got all kinds of hope and hugs coming your way.

  4. Love love love the wedding pictures. So beautiful!! Keep the faith hun. I know it can be so hard but hold on to hope!! You are preggo!!!

  5. Happy anniversary - love the photos! And so happy to see your numbers still rising!!! :)

  6. Happy Anniversary!! Wow, love the wedding pics you shared. You guys look so great together. I am glad things are progressing so well with your pregnancy. This one is a sticky keeper Emily!!! Please try to relax a little while your baby grows. You are right,they wouldn't wait a whole week to retest if they weren't sure. *hugs* to you. I'm so, so happy how well things are going right now.

  7. Happy Anniversary! Your numbers look great, enjoy :)

  8. Happy Anniversary! You look so radiant. :) Numbers look great but I totally understand that feeling of wanting perfection. KMFX for you, always.