|11/26/05- St. James Islington (London), United Kingdom|
|Inside St. James' Islington- built 1875|
Reminiscing about the day we exchanged our vows brought tears to my eyes. I have never forgotten how lucky I am, but seeing those pictures just made me think of all we've been through, and more importantly that my husband has been my absolute rock through it all. From looking at the pics, no one would even know that my mom had just passed away 3 months prior and that my step-dad had passed away 9 months prior both from ugly battles with cancer. Why? Because HE was by my side, and my face absolutely lights up when he's near me. I always know things will be OK as long as we are together.
It was really good for me to look at those pictures, because it made me realize that no matter how my Beta results came back today, I would be ok. I knew no matter what, we always survive the tough times, because we have each other. Honestly, thinking of that is what got me through the day without totally chewing off my own fingers from nervousness.
And then the call from the RE came. Well, the results didn't bring the much larger number I had conjured up in my head, but the nurse said the doctor is very content with my progression. She said, "Dr. Vaughn thinks this looks very promising, especially when you look at the whole picture of the progesterone continuing to rise along with the hCG." So here are the numbers as they stand at this point...
11/19- hCG= 22
11/21- hCG= 85
11/26- hCG= 396
I have a really bad habit of being a perfectionist and being hard on myself. I, of course, whipped out my calculator and did the math and the hCG is not quite reaching a doubling rate every 48 hours, but then again....technically it's supposed to double every 48-72 hrs. Since the latest hCG level didn't exactly measure up to the dream number I had in my mind (1,000+ would have been really nice!), I totally grilled the nurse on the rate at which things were progressing. I just really want them to know they can be straight with me. I do not want anything being sugar coated! She basically told me I needed to STOP looking at various hCG charts online and that they are happy with how things are progressing. haha! Ok, ok, I'll stop.
It's just really weird when there is such a wide range of what is "normal" and you hear other women who are less than 5 weeks along with hCG in the thousands and mine is short of 400 you know? Nevertheless, I'm letting go of the worry and handing it over to God....yet again. I keep telling myself that it's not about the actual number so much as what is happening to the number, and it's RISING! The nurse also said that they want me to re-test everything one week from today and she scheduled a sonogram for 12/13 (about 7 weeks along). She made sure to tell me if they were concerned, they wouldn't be waiting a full week to re-test either. Alright, so that does make sense. They seem to have faith in me, so I am choosing to have faith too.
I know I have done everything I can to make sure this pregnancy sticks and will continue on just as I already have been. Besides that, I have some pretty important people in my corner...my husband and my God. Take that self doubt! I know I am in the very best hands possible, and I will try my best to remember that every single day I wake up and every single night when my head hits the pillow. Anytime I start to worry, I will find something to be grateful for instead....that's my plan and I'm sticking to it!