The Little Egg That Could

The whole weekend I was pretty much resolved that I wasn't pregnant following our second Femara/IUI cycle, but I was going to have a good time anyways. We saw the movie Lincoln on Saturday and went ziplining on Lake Travis on Sunday. Weather was picture perfect, and we had an absolute blast!  You can't really go the lake (yes that is actually a lake, albeit one that is 51 feet below average fill) without having some sort of bar grub and a beer aftewards. We stopped off to do just that on the way home. Cheeseburger, fries, and about half of a nice cold beer. I think it's been at least a year since I've had that combo, and after all I wasn't pregnant, so may as well seal the deal on this lake day experience!

Ziplining on Lake Travis, Austin, TX

My RE's nurse said it would be ok to take my bloodtest a day early. It's really quite tortuous waiting to take these damn tests,  especially when you think you already know the outcome, so I decided I would get it done a day early. Now, I'm not a pee-on-a-stick-aholic or anything, but I still had a few HPT's laying around, and my pee cups were already stacked on the toilet just waiting to be used, so I went ahead and did a test. I'd done a test the day prior and it was completely stark white negative.  I usually don't test multiple times and just wait for the blood results, but something inside of me made me want to test.

Low and behold, it looked like there was a second pink line starting to form, albeit a faint one. I brought hubby in to show him, and he didn't say much. I have never EVER seen a pink line accidentally or gotten a false positive, but I really was not believing there was one there. So of course, I stuck in another Wondfo test strip in the same urine sample; Same result....faint pink line.  I continued to tell myself that maybe there could be a mistake. I was using cheapie test strips, and I did have one First Response Early Result HPT (basically the gold standard in early pregnancy tests) in a drawer somewhere. I dipped it too, and sure enough it was also showing a very faint line. I showed hubby my completed science experiment but he seemed a little unimpressed with my miniature HPT assembly line. He said he just wanted to see the blood test, because he doesn't want to be on some  emotional roller coaster. Just 24 hours prior I was adamant that I was NOT pregnant and now I was thinking maybe I was!  I know it's been a roller coaster, and I don't blame the guy one bit.

Off to the lab I went. I then proceeded to wait ALL day LONG for the result call to come finally at about 5 pm.  "Congratulations! You are indeed pregnant!" I started crying and shaking with happiness for about 3 seconds and then immediately grabbed a pen and asked "Can I please have my hCG and progesterone levels?" I learned from my last pregnancy and early miscarriage that if you don't ask, they won't tell you the actual levels and will chalk it up to everything's normal (even if they think things looks risky). Then you'll spend the next week being overjoyed when really it was a pregnancy doomed for failure from the get go. I know that is depressing, but it's the truth. They don't tell you unless you ask. They just say "It's normal, but we want you to re-test in 48 hours." As the nurse read my results my joy and excitement came to a stand still rather abruptly...

hCG= 22
progesterone= 19.1

I know enough about hCG to know that this number is on the low side of what is "normal" for an early beta test. Here are some guidelines from the American Pregnancy Association that made me feel a little better...

Now, I realize my initial test was taken at only 3 weeks and 6 days pregnant and possibly even 3 weeks 5 days, but it sure would have been nice to get a stronger result. From what my nurse told me,  they really like to see an hCG of 25+ in very early pregnancy and once it turns to 4 weeks even (as it does today) they prefer that number to be 50-100. More important than the initial number is what happens to that number. The key is that it doubles each 48-72 hrs. Let's just hope my hCG is going to double, because if it doesn't I could be looking at another early miscarriage. I hate to be thinking like Debbie Downer here, but I'm also not buying onsies yet when I know my initial test is that low. 

Hubby was not amused with my excitement turning so quickly to worry when I gave him the good news.  "Can we celebrate anything without worrying?" he says. Believe me, I'm tired of worrying too, but there IS reason to be guarded in this case. I would be doing us both an injustice if I got all celebratory, acting like everything was just gravy, only to be sad in a couple days if bad news comes our way. That would just put us on an even bigger roller coaster. I need to look at this realistically right now! I really wish I could be one of those women who find cute ways to surprise their hubby with the news. Maybe some custom printed m&m's with the word "daddy" would have been better? Oh well. He was already in the room when I got the call anyway, and there's really no time for that right now. The next 48 hours will be crucial. I took another Wondfo test today hoping to see the test line getting darker, but it looks exactly the same.

Wondfo's @ 12,13 & 14 days past ovulation & FRER @ 13dpo

I am of course, going crazy with anxiety and worry, but as of today, I am 4 weeks PUPO...Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. I just pray with all of my heart that I have a little egg that is going to prove all of my doubting to be completely unfounded.  C'mon little egg! Repeat after me....I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN. I KNOW I CAN! I KNOW I CAN!

My progesterone looks fine, and the RE wants me to continue the 200mg of progesterone each night as I have been doing since 3dpo. Then I re-test on Wednesday 11/21 (the same day I miscarried last year). How ironic huh? God wouldn't be so cruel to give me bad news on the same day two years in a row would He?  Please Lord, show me how compassionate and merciful you are. Let this be a healthy pregnancy. I don't know what lessons I could possibly have left to learn through this difficult journey. We are ready to be parents. I beg of you. I am on my hands and knees...PLEASE let everything be ok!