Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas...Now GO AWAY!

If that isn't a bah-hum-bug of a blog title I don't know what is. I am trying not to let today get the best of me and stay cheery for the sake of my wonderful husband...failing miserably already at 9:30 AM I'm afraid. Blahhhhh!

I haven't had any bleeding or spotting for a couple days (YAY!) and with my hCG down to 108 as of last Friday, I thought I'd use my last HPT to see if by any chance it would come back negative. Isn't it crazy how much we let those darn pregnancy tests rule our moods? Normally I'd be overjoyed to see that second line. However, in this instance I just want that second line to GO AWAY ALREADY!

9 weeks today & hCG still present. Just want it to end already!

It seems like it is taking FOREVER for us to close this chapter. I have known since 5.5 weeks that this wasn't a viable pregnancy, and here I am at 9 weeks, basically walking around with a dead baby stuck in my fallopian tube. I know that sounds gross and dramatic, but let's not sugarcoat it. It is what it is. I just want it to be over.

Nothing has changed really, other than the fact that I was having some weird "twinges" in my left pelvic area yesterday right as we sat down at the movie "This is 40." Laugh out loud hilarious movie by the way...two thumbs up! I really needed that couple hours of intense laughter, let me tell you! I wouldn't describe the feelings I was having as painful, but I definitely felt something on and off sporadically all afternoon and evening....kind of like strong ovulation twinges.  To be honest, it scared me a little, mostly because of the timing of it being Christmas.

I kept thinking that the last thing I want is to be in some emergency room on Christmas Eve or Christmas day with some surgeon I don't know operating on a burst fallopian tube and sucking out blood from my insides. I even plugged my iPad into it's charger before heading off to bed, just in case I had to fly out of the house at 2AM and needed some entertainment in an emergency room waiting room. Ugh! I hate feeling like I am walking on a tightrope and that I could fall off at any moment without warning.  I was as far from relaxed as one could be, so to all the sugar plum fairies out there....you are welcome for having the night off!

Well, we made it through the movie and made it through the night, and no weird movement so far today. Still no bleeding or other telltale signs of a burst fallopian tube. If I can just make it through until Friday and get more good news of dropping hCG with my 11th beta test I will be SO relieved. I thought an early miscarriage sucked, but I've got to say that ectopic pregnancy is worse. Believe me, I know there are much worse things out there. It's just that we can't start our final chapter....the one with the HAPPY ENDING until we can close this one. Please pray for patience for us both and an uneventful end to this pregnancy, hopefully soon.

Merry Christmas and good riddance to 2012. I am ready for a bigger and better 2013! Bring it!


  1. Oh, Em! I am so sorry that this nightmare still continues, especially on Christmas day. Geez, girl! I can only hope and pray that your next HCG check it's finally gone and maybe even a good AF to just wipe everything clean.

    I can totally get it being hard to feel the Christmas spirit on a day like this and I am thinking about you today. *hugs*

  2. I remember it took me 10 weeks for my HSG to drop last year and I feel your pain. It's so quick to rise, but so very slow to fall. Not fair. I hope you and your hubby are able to have some special moments today to make this holiday season something to smile about. I'm with you on 2012. What a crap year, indeed. Here's to 2013 bringing all of us some much better memories! Merry Christmas, friend.

  3. Oh Em. I would feel the same way. What a pain in the butt. Good riddance to this year. I hope you are able to find some peace. Merry Christmas. Cheers to 2013.

  4. Slow dropping hcg is torture. I cried every time I had to go back in for a blood draw after my first miscarriage. Mine wasn't ectopic though and the OB couldn't tell me WHY it was dropping so slowly. Everyone missed that pesky retained tissue for three months, but whatever. The one thing I will say is that your test looks like a wondfo. My wondfos picked up my chemical pregnancies with no problem, including one where a test the following day came back with a beta of 3. I think you'll get good news on Friday. Christmas is over and I know it sucked this year, so I'll say happy New Year, and here's to 2013 being way more awesome than 2012.

  5. That's right Emily- good riddance 2012! Who needs you anyway? I'm so ready for 2013 and all the joy is will bring us. BIG hugs- this is quite the journey and you are dealing so well with an incredibly frustrating, sad, situation. Can't wait for IVF and your BFP!

  6. I am SO pumped for 2013. I officially dub 2012 The Year That Nothing Happened... well, except for the ectopic on my birthday (awesome, thanks). I actually think that HPT stick looks very promising! That second line is REALLY faint, and will surely be gone within the week. I can't wait for you guys to finally jump into the IVF pool and leave all this horribleness behind.