Monday, March 4, 2013

BCP's- (code word for Crazy Bitch!)

Just when I thought I was going to escape the dreaded mood swings and side effects of being on birth control pills for the first time in 5 years, I was proven wrong. To re-cap... I am taking BCP's for 21 days as part of the suppression phase of my IVF cycle. I've been taking them in the evening close to bedtime to avert ill side effects as much as possible. These are the ones I'm taking...

I wasn't really having any side effects, except for slight nausea and waking up at 2 AM every night feeling a little queasy. Then, I noticed Friday (after taking them 5 days) that I was becoming really irritable. Everyone in public was annoying the crap out of me!  Maybe it was just a bad day?

Then Saturday, I was happily working out at the gym on the elliptical machine early in the morning, when it's pretty empty in there. Some lady comes and plants herself on the machine DIRECTLY beside me within inches of my breathing room. There are literally about 50 other elliptical machines spread all across the gym she could have chosen, but she felt the need to be RIGHT next to me. I huffed and puffed, got off my machine, got new paper towels with disinfectant, cleaned a whole new machine a few spots down, and resumed my workout. In my head I'm thinking, "Why must you invade my personal space in a 50,000 square foot gym?!"

Then we go to Home Depot and I'm looking for gardening gloves. We can't find them anywhere. I ask the guy at front, "Can you direct me to the gardening gloves please?" He replies, "Gardening" He is obviously having a brain fart. I say, "Yes, gardening gloves. You know, gloves you would wear to garden." He then replies, "So children's gardening gloves?" It's just me and my husband standing there with zero children in sight of course. I look at him like he's got two heads and say, "No gardening gloves for ME, women's size!" He has to radio in to someone to ask. It takes what seemed like 5 minutes for a response, and we finally find them. I wanted to strangle this guy!

As we walk away and I'm mumbling under my breath about, "Do we look like we need children's gardening gloves?!" I can tell my husband is clearly not becoming as annoyed with people in public as I am. These are only a couple examples, but it feels like everywhere I go, I encounter the top 10% of all stupid people on the planet or something. Normally I would roll my eyes at things and just laugh about strange folks, but I am becoming seriously angry at the smallest of things. While I might be rightfully annoyed at the plethora of people who seem to be walking around in a fog, the reaction I'm having to them could probably be curtailed a bit. Ya think? haha!

The gardening gloves incident made me stop and realize that something here is just not within my control. Then a light bulb goes off and it hits me....I bet it's the birth control pills turning me into a crazy beotch! That has to be it! On top of it, my RE has me now also taking 75 mg/day of DHEA during my IVF cycle. DHEA is a precursor to both the male hormone, testosterone, and also estrogen, and had been shown to increase success rates for IVF in patients with DOR (diminished ovarian reserve) like myself. So between pumping estrogen AND testosterone into my body at the same time, I guess it makes sense if I'm a hormonal mess.   I woke up in a more familiar Pollyanna mood this morning, and all I could think of was this song to describe my weekend state of mind...

What a rockin tune, even if I do feel the need to repent after watching the video. ha! Let's just hope my mind and body can assimilate a little better as we get further into the IVF cycle, because if I am already acting crazy from a few hormones now, I can't even imagine what to expect once we add FSH (follicle stimulating hormones), Ovdirel (hCG hormone) and Crinone (progesterone) to the mix. Lord help us all...especially my dear hubby. He is such a champ throughout this process.

I am waiting on my full IVF calender to arrive in the mail, but here are the estimated dates for the major milestones of our IVF thus far...

February 25th- Begin BCP's. Continue for 21 days

March 18th
- meeting with IVF nurse (review entire IVF plan and learn to do injectables)

                  - baseline ultrasound (to rule out any ovarian cysts and begin treatment)
                  - sign all papers and pay $$$

March 20th- Begin Lupron injections (daily throughout remainder of cycle)

March 22nd- Begin Gonal F injections & Menopur injections (daily throughout remainder of cycle)

April 3rd- Expected ER (egg retrieval)

April 6th OR April 8th- Expected ET (embryo transfer)

Of course, the ER and ET dates are not set in stone. We won't know how I'll respond to the meds until we actually start doing them. I'll be doing many ultrasounds and blood tests to monitor my response along the way, so this is a ballpark estimation. I'll be doing acupuncture accordingly as the cycle progresses as well. 

It's hard to believe that in about 6 weeks time, we could be expecting the little one we've worked so hard to bring into this world!  Please pray for us:  That I will respond well to treatment. That we will have no roadblocks or surprises along the way. Most of all, that I will somehow maintain my sanity while being pumped full of meds.


  1. Ohhh! I'm so excited for you Emily!!! Praying that everything goes smoothly (and ya know, you don't strangle 10% of the population ;)!

    Seriously, though, I've got everything crossed for you, you'll be in my prayers, and I'm just so excited!

    You're on a wild ride and I just know it'll be worth every last bit of it!

  2. Congratulations, six weeks is like nothing! OMG, that is wonderful! I am sorry about your moods, it's normal, and is obviously, God willing, going to be worth it. I am adding you to my prayer list.

  3. I have such a good feeling about this, I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am for you right now! You guys have seriously gone through so much, you truly deserve this.

    I have to admit, I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that's getting aggravated by the rest of the world :) At least you have bcp to blame it on lol, I think mine is just built up frustration from ttc. Either way, it's nice to know that I'm not alone!

    You're in my prayers, I can't wait to hear your updates over the next couple of months!

  4. Ah, yes, that schedule looks very familiar! And so does that brand of BCPs... I'd never heard of it until I had to take it for IVF, but I guess it's the newest, coolest BCP on the market. :) Also, that is CRAZY for someone to not understand what gardening gloves are! Who is this person?!

  5. While you may, in fact, be shot full of hormones and reacting irrationally, it is not all that weird to react that way you did to the man who is confused about what gardening gloves are. He works at a freaking home improvement/gardening mecca! Unacceptable! Also, is there even such a thing as children's gardening gloves? I've never met a child who liked to garden. Or one who cared about getting their hands dirty.

  6. Emily, wow! 6 weeks is going to fly by! I can't wait to cheer you on during this process! Ugh! I hated the BCP part of the treatment. Although I didn't get too moody, I got terrible almost debilitating headaches that I remember clearly. However, before you know it, you will be past this stage and moving on to the injections. I will pray that they won't affect you or your moods too badly. But either way, it will be all so worth it in the end. I have a greaat feeling about this and the next couple months for you!

    We host a small group Bible study in our house on Thursday evenings and you will be on our prayer list, although you are always in my daily prayers too!


  7. At least you have an excuse, I've been a b*tch lately and have no excuse. LOL. I remember the hope I felt a few months ago when I started my birth control pills. Hope that your plan stays on track and ends in your BFP. I'll be cheering you on the whole way.

  8. I'm sorry you are being affected by the drugs like that...although it does make for a great blog post :) So thanks for letting us in! I can't for you to be pregnant! Hoping these next weeks fly by for you .

  9. So sorry you are having to deal with taking BCP. I know the craziness it can bring on, and it is seriously scary at times. It's amazing to think some of us were on those crazy pills for years. A few months after getting off BCP (before we started TTC), DH asked me to please never go back on them, because I had such crazy mood swings on them. I have no idea how he put up with me on them for as long as he did, because he was right. I was a crying, sweating, weight gaining, snippy mess. I know that they are serving a good purpose for you right now, though, so I am excited that taking them means you are on your way to your IVF cycle and hopefully your BFP! I'll be following you here and praying for smooth sailing and a happy ending to this long journey!

  10. I didn't think the Apri BCP made me feel that different, but my husband kept asking me if the hormones were making me crazy, lol. I'm finishing up my stims now and I'm also on Gonal F and Menopur, but Ganirelix instead of Lupron. I actually feel like the side effects on Clomid were worse than anything I've experienced on injectables (12 days and counting).

    Good luck with your IVF cycle!

  11. Agh! Em I am so excited for you. I am praying this brings you your BFP. You have been through so much that this has to be it. Hahaha! BCP make me more bitchy and annoyed than I already get with ppl. I use to think something was wrong with me but then realized that is why I stopped taking BCP in the first place. Best of luck you will though these 21 days!

  12. I just found your blog through Jessah at Dreaming of Dimples, and I am excited to follow along!!

    I will be starting injections on the same day as you, so I am excited to find a blogging cycle buddy :) I've been on the BCP for about a week now, and I have been SO irritable!! I thought it was just the stress leading up to IVF, but now that you mention it, it's probably the hormones... at least I hope so!

  13. I know the BCPs totally suck. I'm really excited though for your IVF cycle to get started. You are in great hands and you WILL get your BFP girl!