I've want to send a big THANK YOU to one my dearest blog buddies Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples. Despite all she has going on with out-of-town fertility treatments, working full time, and organizing fun events to bring joy to others (like mug swaps throughout the blogosphere), she still took time to send me these super fun and very LUCKY socks to wear. Breaking these out today was MUCH needed, because they totally saved my mood.
Here is where I get honest. There were a few tears this morning. I have been doing really well staying positive and hopeful and at peace. More quiet time each day with myself and with God is helping, and I am generally in a really good place. It was just one of those times where true feelings can strike at a moment's notice.
This morning at the gym, I was situated on a machine next to a woman who I knew had just given birth and was in there "working off the baby weight." I've tried to avoid being around this chick, because it just hurts to watch everyone around me have babies when I still haven't. I don't even know this woman, but we have a mutual friend who felt the need to tell me how she got pregnant with #2 not even trying...out having a good time on NYE last year with the hubby and BAM it happened. Not sure why I needed to know this detail, but my friend felt the need to tell me for some reason?
Of course we tend to work out at the same time, so I got to watch her baby bump grow for months, as she continued working out like a crazy exercise feign doing push-ups, squats, long intense sessions on the stairmill, the works. As if Kerri Walsh winning the gold medal in volleyball while 5 weeks pregnant weren't enough. Now I get to watch this pregnant chick go nuts in the gym every day and come rub her belly near me as she stretches.
Clearly intense exercise doesn't affect all people in the same way in regards to fertility. Nope, I'm the lucky one who becomes anovulatory and loses her period for 3 years straight from being "too athletic." Alrighty then, I'll just be over here doing the elliptical (a.k.a. workout for wusses) since I'm "not allowed" to work out intensely and am treating my body as if I am already pregnant. No, I'm not bitter about this at all. Can you tell?
I was trying not to let this stranger's return to my workout space bother me, and I tried my best to just look the other way, but it's like there was an elephant in the room or sorts...but just inside my own brain of course. When hubby asked me on the drive home how I was, I divulged how it just hurts to watch everyone go through each trimester and then post-pregnancy. We were actively trying long before this woman accidentally got blessed with a child, and here I am STILL TRYING as her baby is all cozied up safely with the rest of her family at home. It just sucks feeling like everyone else gets to experience milestones of life while you are just plain STUCK in the same place.
Sorry for such a long tangent, but just to bring it back...My point was supposed to be that I am thankful to know I'm not completely alone and that there are women out there who do get it, even if we are all separated by thousands of miles. I truly do not know how women survived pre-internet. Lord knows I have zero friends in real life who have been through this, and it gets lonely...like tumbleweeds blowing by lonely.
To have a friend whom I've never met in person, who would take the time to send me something as simple as a pair of lucky socks along with a super sweet card means SO MUCH to me. I will also say, that if you've never put on a pair of bright striped socks that go all the way up to your knees, you must try it! It's an instant mood lifter! I had no clue how much fun these would be! So, thank you my dear Jessah for making me smile on a morning where it's been really easy not to. Thank you for thinking of little ole me. :)
And since we're on the subject of warm tootsies, I have got to share my other new favorite toy with you. I saw this Luxury Foot Warmer in a catalog and knew I had to order it. I am very cold natured and always trying to keep my feet warm, so this is absolutely perfect! There are a few different ways I've been using it.
I call this "Pigs in a Blanket"...
This is the absolute best position though. The "Tootsie Roll"...
I need all the help I can get with blood flow and my lining, so I'm using this puppy every day. It's much more efficient than warm foot soaks if you ask me, because it heats up super fast, you can leave it on longer, and it doesn't leave your feet wet and cold afterwards. Plus, it's so small and lightweight you can tote it around and use it in any room of the house. Love this little gadget!
It's coming in handy this weekend as we welcome cold and rainy temps in the 30's here in Austin. Hubby and I are aiming to break an all time record for snuggling...in between him studying for his MBA of course. Yesterday we went to see the new Hunger Games movie right smack in the middle of the day and had a lunch date at a favorite Mexican spot. Tonight, we have plans to see Whitney Cummings stand-up live with two other couples and do dinner at another favorite spot downtown. All in all, these are all reminders that life is good.
I'm sure there will moments tonight where I'm reminded yet again that we aren't parents, since the couples we are going with all have beautiful young children. I can pretty much guarantee this will be a main topic of discussion. I'm just preparing myself ahead of time to sit close to hubby and hold him a little tighter if/when those conversations take over. I can't just hide my entire life from people with kids to protect my own heart, so I'll try my best to be happy for them and let their stories be a reminder of what we have to look forward to...hopefully some day very soon.